Lies men tell on the first date

Here's an article from Cosmo by Gregory Gilderman, "Dating 101: First-Date Red Flags," about lies that guys tell on the first date (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88111/dating-101-first-date-red-flags). They include "I never move this fast on a first date"; "I'll call you" (I certainly heard that lie a lot!); "I'm between jobs"; and "I've never had a serious girlfriend." Apparently, "I'm between jobs" can mean "I'm unemployed because I have no direction in life." But speaking as an underemployed person, I think you have to cut people some slack on that one in this economy!

I was most intrigued by "I've never had a serious girlfriend." I don't think I've ever had a guy say that to me on the first date. Wouldn't they be afraid I'd think something was wrong with them? Not according to Gilderman -- he writes that some guys say that, even if they HAVE had a serious girlfriend, as "a sly way of admitting he can't commit" -- or doesn't want to commit.

Rich men, young women

The NY Times had an article in their Magazine section on April 12th by Ruth Padawer, "Keeping Up With Being Kept" (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/12/magazine/12sugardaddies-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&sq=Seeking%20Arrangement&st=cse&scp=2) about this web site called Seeking Arrangement (http://www.SeekingArrangement.com), a site that hooks up financially strapped young women with sugar daddies -- and it has 300,000 registered subscribers. Examples include "the 18-year-old from France asking for $5,000 to $10,000 a month from 'a mentor who can provide me with the finer things in life and keep me happy!' And the 49-year-old investor from upstate New York willing to pay $5,000 a month for a 'daytime playmate' for 'intense connection without commitment.'" Many of the women are looking for money for college. It's depressing that college has gotten so expensive that some women feel they have to resort to this.

The most interesting part was how some of the members interviewed tried to justify their relationships. To me, it sounds like prostitution -- the men may claim they're paying for "companionship," but you know that means sex. But some of the women "say being a sugar baby is no more an occupation than dating is, especially when the goal of dating is to find a rich boyfriend or a wealthy husband. They routinely turn down creeps interested in nothing but sex. Some sugar babies also insist that wives who stay in miserable marriages for an American Express black card, mansion or country-club membership are more like prostitutes than they are."

But the difference is, a woman and her rich boyfriend or wealthy husband either are in love or hopefully were at some point! They didn't enter into their relationship strictly for the money, but because they actually cared about each other. And that makes all the difference in the world.

I love you, you cute inanimate object, you!

Is it possible to fall in love not with a person, but with an object? Apparently so, according to a British documentary called "The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower," which is about "objectum sexual" -- women who fall in love and have intimate relationships with buildings, bridges, and other objects. These women say they find their love affairs with these objects just as rewarding as other people find their relationships with human beings. I'm sure none of these objects leave the toilet seat up, but other than that I don't see how a relationship with an inanimate object could be satisfying! Sadly, most of the women have histories of abuse, which explains why objects are "safe" for them to have relationships with. And about half of them have Asperger Syndrome, a type of high-functioning autism characterized by above-average intelligence and verbal ability, but low social skills.

One woman is so in love with a stereo system she calls Jake that she communicates with "him" by making love to him twice a day (!). Another woman fell in love with the Berlin Wall (it had to hurt when that came down). And the woman who inspired the documentary's title is so in love with the Eiffel Tower that she married it last year. Yes. She married it. It's not a legally recognized marriage, of course, but she had a ceremony and everything. She even changed her last name to Eiffel.

Here's an article: http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html

Here's a blog post about it: http://www.strangeharvest.com/mt/archive/blog/married_to_the_eiffe.php

And P.S. over the weekend I received my very first check from Google for this blog, for $123.62! So, thank you to everyone who has ever clicked on an ad!! :)

Meeting people in the physical (not on-line) world

Want to go back to meeting people the old-fashioned way? Um...what IS the old-fashioned way? Lisa Steadman's article, "Dating 101: Debunking the Scarcity Myth," (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/86374/dating-101-debunking-the-scarcity-myth) is a great read if you've been feeling trapped behind a keyboard lately, or if you cannot bear to read one more on-line profile. Steadman gives you a plan on how to meet people who are physically all around you, as opposed to (or in addition to) on-line. During the first week, she advises you to make eye contact with one stranger you find attractive, every day, whether it's on the subway, waiting on line at the supermarket, wherever. For the second week, both make eye contact and smile. In the third week, make eye contact, smile, AND make small talk. She also suggests activities to do once a week that will allow you to shake things up and possibly meet new people. It does sound kind of nerve-wracking, but also a good change of pace from the on-line dating routine.

As always, for non-dating related posts feel free to visit my other blog at http://HerArtichokeHeart.blogspot.com !

Five Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious

Just spotted an interesting article on Yahoo Personals by Mina Azodi called "Dating 101: Five Traits A Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious" (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24236/dating-101-five-traits-a-guy-should-have-before-you-get-serious).
According to Azodi, the traits are:

1) He knows what he wants (so you can tell early on if your long-term plans and goals are compatible).
2) He has a sunny outlook (one study found that how optimistic a man was determined the relationship's "staying power") and can make you laugh.
3) He's open to changing for you.
4) He's still a little mysterious.
5) He's responsible with money.

The third one surprised me because, as people always say, you can't change someone. But the rest of that statement really should be, you can't change someone unless THEY want to change. Azodi writes, "Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time...A man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you."

Your Infinite On-line Dating Profile (!)

A friend sent me this very interesting article about how your on-line dating profile and the information you disclose to dating web sites can be used against you. In "Online Dating: Your Profile's Long, Scary Shelf Life" (http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&articleId=9127799&intsrc=hm_list) Robert L. Mitchell writes about how on many dating sites, even if you cancel your subscription, the data still sits there in the company's records. The risk, as Mitchell writes, is that "'the detailed personality profiles can be disclosed in a lawsuit and then used against you in novel and negative ways,' says Pam Dixon, executive director of the World Privacy Forum. These include divorce or custody proceedings, employment-related lawsuits and potentially even medical-related lawsuits. Though rare, legal actions have been filed in cases ranging from date rape accusations to sexual harassment accusations to a lawsuit against former WellPoint Inc. executive David Colby by a woman who contended that he misrepresented himself on Match.com."

Hmmm. If I'd sued everyone who misrepresented himself on Match.com, I'd be a millionaire! Just kidding. ;) Maybe I was just lucky, but I don't think I actually met anyone who blatantly lied about himself (or perhaps I just didn't date them long enough to realize it!).

Bizarre vintage valentines

One of my friends sent me a link to pictures of some classic Valentine's Day cards -- and by "classic," I mean classically bad! One shows a cartoon of a little boy standing on a huge knife, with the caption, "You were just CUT OUT to be my Valentine." Another shows a cartoon of a kitten tied up with a rope, next to the caption, "I'm BOUND to be yours if you'll be mine." And kids apparently traded these like they were just normal cards! Strange.
To see, click on:
http://7deadlysinners.typepad.com/photos/vintage_valentines/index.html