Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners

Great news for those of us who may not make the most scintillating first dates! On the Dating Amy web site (http://www.DatingAmy.com), I found a link to this article by LiveScience entitled “Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners” (http://www.livescience.com/health/080212-dating-success.html). Popular people tend to be well-liked because they are social chameleons who are very good at self-monitoring – “they screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them,” so they make quite satisfying dates. But high self-monitors have trouble turning this self-monitoring off, “avoiding face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure….They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships."

According to the article, “low self-monitors — people who are the least concerned with social appropriateness and are unlikely to mask their feelings or opinions to avoid confrontation or preserve their self-image — are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships.” The article did note, however, that this awkwardness comes with a price, “because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things” to their partners.

Makes sense, I guess. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who just told me what I wanted to hear all the time and who was so afraid of upsetting me, he could never be completely honest with me. On the other hand, hearing “blunt and hurtful things” all the time wouldn’t be much fun, either! That’s why moderation, according to the article, is key.

In any event, only 97 single adults were surveyed in this study, and their boyfriends/girlfriends were *not* surveyed, which would have made for a more informative study, in my opinion.

Do good while you date

There's a dating service in New York City where you meet people by volunteering! It's called Cause and Effect Dating (http://www.causeandeffectnyc.com), and their slogan is "helping the world...to fall in love." The founder, Sandra Schwartz, interviews everyone who applies and sets you up with your dates, but instead of going out to dinner and a movie, you volunteer together somewhere, walking dogs at an animal shelter, for example, or planting trees. What a great idea -- why didn't I think of it!? The costs aren't posted on the web site, but according to an article in Time Out New York's Feb. 7 - 13 "singles issue," the monthly membership fees vary, starting at $19.95 per month for group dates and $44.95 per month for one-on-one dates. A good price -- most on-line dating sites charge at least that much, with no guarantee you'll ever actually meet anyone in person. I'll probably try it in the next month or two. Stay tuned for a full report!

FREE month on HurryDate.com!

If you’ve been curious to try HurryDate (http://www.hurrydate.com), one of the speed-dating companies, you’re in luck – in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, they’re giving away free 30 day subscriptions to HurryDate Online! You also get 25% off all speed-dating events while you are subscribed. Between now and March 22nd (the offer expires Sunday March 23rd), choose the one-month subscription package and enter the code POTOGOLD when prompted to pay. (Their e-mail notes, “You will be asked to enter a credit card to redeem your free month so that we may provide you with uninterrupted service after the first month is up. You may, however, cancel at any time prior to that so as not to be charged.”)

Free singles event in April!

On Sunday April 13th from 6:30 – 9 PM, there’s a “Deeper Dating” event at the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan (registration code T-LS5DB07-05) for people in their 30s and 40s. It costs $30 in advance/$35 at the door, BUT if you send an e-mail to DeeperDatingInfo@gmail.com with “volunteer” in the subject line and say you’re willing to assist, you can participate for free! Click on http://www.DeeperDating.com for more info. Apparently, Time Out New York calls it “a combination personal-growth workshop and singles’ mixer.” Sounds fun, or torturous -- it really could go either way. But if you get in for free, what do you have to lose, right?
Happy weekend, everybody! Go Giants. Or Patriots. Whoever you're rooting for. :)