The personal ad I answered 10 years ago has found me

I registered on MySpace a couple months ago but really haven’t done much with it, and I only have about a dozen friends through it. So, I was intrigued when I received an e-mail the other day with the subject “TexasMan wants to be friends on MySpace!” His message said, “I am glad to see you are doing well. I barely got to know you approximately 10 years ago. Of course, that is past. How are you?” I clicked on his profile, but neither his name nor his photo rang a bell at all, so I wrote him back and asked if I knew him from Texas, since that’s where I was living ten years ago, and how the heck did we know each other, anyway?

TexasMan wrote back and gently reminded me we’d met through the personal ads. Yes, the personals! I had completely forgotten (or psychologically blocked out) that I’d ever answered a personal ad, but as soon as I read his e-mail, it all came flooding back. I’d seen his ad for a week or two in one of the Austin papers. I don’t remember what it said, but there was something about it that I liked, so I finally responded. We ended up meeting for dinner one evening, and a couple weeks later he took me to dinner and a movie. I can’t remember a thing we talked about, but I do distinctly remember sitting in the movie and thinking, “I hope he doesn’t touch me, I hope he doesn’t touch me, I hope he doesn’t touch me.” Isn’t that terrible? It wasn’t that he was creepy or annoying or anything, but for some reason I just really, really, really didn’t want him to hold my hand or kiss me or anything. In my defense, only a day or two before we went on our second (and last) date, I had just found out my mom’s cancer was terminal, so I’m sure I wasn’t in my right mind. I ended up blurting it out to him after the movie, and he was very understanding and hugged me. We exchanged a few e-mails after that, but within a month or two I’d moved back to New Jersey and we lost touch.

I’m truly shocked he even remembered my name, because I didn’t remember his at all! So we’ve been catching up through MySpace. He’s now 46, still single and living in his hometown in Oklahoma. He wrote me this long explanation about how he had a business venture go sour on him, leaving him with no business to speak of and thousands of dollars in credit card debt. He moved back to his hometown so he could live rent-free in a family-owned home and work his way out of debt. I guess it’s working because he now only has a couple thousand dollars left to pay off. But he owns some land in Texas that he’s sure will be worth a couple millions dollars (!) in a few years, so when the time is right, he’s going to sell, move to Hawaii while he’s still young enough to enjoy it, as he put it, “and never come back.”

So, he’s either completely crazy or a soon-to-be millionaire. Guess I should keep in touch with him in case it's the latter. ;) Such a strange blast from the past!

In other exciting news, there were 104 viewings of my blog on September 1st – first time I’ve ever had readership in the triple digits! I had over 100 on September 2nd, too, and people have even been clicking on the ads. Thank you all so much for following my crazy dating adventures!

Relationship Statistics

No word, via e-mail or phone, from Mr. No Touchy-Feely since I e-mailed him yesterday morning, but last night Florida Guy texted me, “Hi sexy, how are u.” Ugh. What are we, 13? If you want to go out with me, then CALL ME (by my name) and ask! Needless to say, I am not texting him back. Bizarre.

Moving on…one of my friends (thanks, Lisa!) sent me this article by Laura Schaefer titled “Love By the Numbers” (http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8791), which has some interesting dating-related statistics. After a first date with someone they’d like to see again, 15% of women call the next day (!) and 20% call two days later, but almost half the women never call the men or expect the men to call first. I tend to fall into that last category. If it’s someone I really like, and I don’t hear from them for a few days, I’ll e-mail or call, but I’ve found it tends to be a waste of time to chase guys. If they’re truly interested, they’ll get in touch with you (and not solely via text message!). The statistics on the men’s side are that 45% call the day after the first date, 32 percent call two days later, and only 14 percent call three days later. I’m surprised – my experience has been that men are more likely to wait a few days. But maybe that’s just New York men.

Even more interesting, though, is that according to a 2005 survey by Love.com, it takes an average of four weeks before people who meet on-line finally arrange to meet in person. Four weeks! Perhaps I’m just impatient, but I’d rather not waste four weeks e-mailing some guy only to find out we have nothing to say to each other person. A faster pace, please.

Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners

Great news for those of us who may not make the most scintillating first dates! On the Dating Amy web site (http://www.DatingAmy.com), I found a link to this article by LiveScience entitled “Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners” (http://www.livescience.com/health/080212-dating-success.html). Popular people tend to be well-liked because they are social chameleons who are very good at self-monitoring – “they screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them,” so they make quite satisfying dates. But high self-monitors have trouble turning this self-monitoring off, “avoiding face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure….They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships."

According to the article, “low self-monitors — people who are the least concerned with social appropriateness and are unlikely to mask their feelings or opinions to avoid confrontation or preserve their self-image — are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships.” The article did note, however, that this awkwardness comes with a price, “because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things” to their partners.

Makes sense, I guess. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who just told me what I wanted to hear all the time and who was so afraid of upsetting me, he could never be completely honest with me. On the other hand, hearing “blunt and hurtful things” all the time wouldn’t be much fun, either! That’s why moderation, according to the article, is key.

In any event, only 97 single adults were surveyed in this study, and their boyfriends/girlfriends were *not* surveyed, which would have made for a more informative study, in my opinion.

Do good while you date

There's a dating service in New York City where you meet people by volunteering! It's called Cause and Effect Dating (http://www.causeandeffectnyc.com), and their slogan is "helping the world...to fall in love." The founder, Sandra Schwartz, interviews everyone who applies and sets you up with your dates, but instead of going out to dinner and a movie, you volunteer together somewhere, walking dogs at an animal shelter, for example, or planting trees. What a great idea -- why didn't I think of it!? The costs aren't posted on the web site, but according to an article in Time Out New York's Feb. 7 - 13 "singles issue," the monthly membership fees vary, starting at $19.95 per month for group dates and $44.95 per month for one-on-one dates. A good price -- most on-line dating sites charge at least that much, with no guarantee you'll ever actually meet anyone in person. I'll probably try it in the next month or two. Stay tuned for a full report!