Last week, Mr. No Touchy-Feely asked me out for Friday night, but he waited too late in the week and I’d already made plans with a friend. It’s been one week since we last communicated, and I haven’t heard from him via phone or e-mail. I wonder if he has finally disappeared. Every time I say that, he pops back up. However, I recently got an offer I couldn’t refuse from eHarmony, so I re-joined for three months and uploaded a new photo. Then I realized that if Mr. No Touchy-Feely is still on eHarmony, the next time he logged in it would tell him that I updated my profile. Is that why I haven’t heard from him? Because he saw I updated my photo and thinks I’d rather meet someone else, so he’s given up? But the only reason I want to meet somebody else is because after 11 dates in six months without so much as any hand-holding, I can’t exactly expect this relationship to turn into an epic romance!
In other news: are you an exercise buff and looking to meet someone? You’re in luck. This week’s Time Out New York has an article by Amy Roberts (http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/sex-dating/44611/get-some-action) about an outdoor fitness club, which originated in Australia, called Fit2Date (http://www.fit2date.com/), where “singles meet up for four hour-long training-slash-mingling sessions.” I have a feeling I may not be fit enough or young enough to join Fit2Date. They do try to be beginner-friendly, but most of the people in the session Roberts attended were in their mid-twenties. But the Fit2Date web site states "we don’t have age groups as yet, as we want to keep the focus on training...We always get a great spread of ages anywhere from 23 – 40 with an average age of 33. We will be setting up fit2date plus in the future purely for the 35+ age group."
It's definitely a good idea for a dating business – even if you don’t meet anyone, at least you’ll get healthier. The four-week program costs $200, which includes a round of drinks after the last session. The web site says, “Don’t come to fit2date expecting to meet ‘The One,’ but if you do we all have to be invited to the wedding.” :)
I’ll be away for the next few days, but look for a new post on Monday. Have a great weekend!
July 31, 2008
July 29, 2008
Celebrity Couples Who Should Have Stayed Together
I thought this little article by Joanna Douglas, “Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman, Plus Five Other Couples We Wish Never Broke Up” (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/entertainment/jimmy-kimmel-and-sarah-silverman-plus-five-other-couples-we-wish-never-broke-up-213107/) was entertaining. I forgot that Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder had ever been a couple. It was also strange to see the photo of Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt together. Brad in particular looks so young! I like him much better with Angelina Jolie, though – it seems like he has more of a purpose in life now.
The article doesn’t mention them, but it’s too bad Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel didn’t stay together. If they had, Billy Joel wouldn’t have gone on to marry a woman 31 years younger than he is. And Christie Brinkley wouldn’t have gone on to marry Richard Taubman and divorce him after only a year, then marry Peter Cook, only to divorce him when she discovered he was cheating on her with an 18-year-old (!).
What do you think? Are there any other celebrity couples you wish had never broken up?
The article doesn’t mention them, but it’s too bad Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel didn’t stay together. If they had, Billy Joel wouldn’t have gone on to marry a woman 31 years younger than he is. And Christie Brinkley wouldn’t have gone on to marry Richard Taubman and divorce him after only a year, then marry Peter Cook, only to divorce him when she discovered he was cheating on her with an 18-year-old (!).
What do you think? Are there any other celebrity couples you wish had never broken up?
July 28, 2008
Cuddle parties
Have you ever heard of "cuddle parties"? They're kind of like speed-dating, except you cuddle with each other. No, I'm not joking. They even have a web site: http://www.CuddleParty.com. Apparently, a cuddle party is "a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection." You arrive at the event, change into your pajamas (!), participate in the hour-long "welcome circle," and then transition into "two hours of self-directed adventure and connection," where you "cuddle according to your desires and comfort (or just talk if you prefer)." Hmmm -- wouldn't you go to a regular party if you wanted to "just talk"? It seems to defeat the purpose of the whole event.
Since it took me a while just to get a massage for the first time (I couldn't see how letting a stranger put his or her hands all over my back would relax me), I don't think the cuddle party is for me. But it's interesting to know it's out there.
Sometimes the subway is so crowded during rush hour, it seems like everyone is trying really really hard NOT to have an accidental cuddle party. Actually, it's more like an inadvertent game of Twister -- with no eye contact.
Since it took me a while just to get a massage for the first time (I couldn't see how letting a stranger put his or her hands all over my back would relax me), I don't think the cuddle party is for me. But it's interesting to know it's out there.
Sometimes the subway is so crowded during rush hour, it seems like everyone is trying really really hard NOT to have an accidental cuddle party. Actually, it's more like an inadvertent game of Twister -- with no eye contact.
July 24, 2008
"Ugly" women, mean men
In Dan Savage’s “Savage Love” column in the Village Voice this week, there is the saddest letter from a 22-year-old woman who says that men routinely ridicule her for being ugly (http://www.thestranger.com/savage). I’ll paste the letter below, but the gist of it is, she’s now convinced that she’s horribly ugly and is so despairing of finding anyone who will fall in love with her, she’s considering suicide. I thought Dan’s advice was pretty accurate. Almost no one paid any attention to me when I was in my 20s, but now that I’m “middle-aged” (ahem), just the other day a guy came up to me in the middle of Manhattan and said softly, “I crossed the street just to talk to you.” OK, there's a distinct probability that he was homeless, but still!
It makes me angry that Dan would never get a letter like this from a man. Can you imagine women going up to men they didn’t know and making fun of their looks? It would never happen.
Fighting Ugly
July 24, 2008
By Dan Savage
Q: I'm a 22-year-old female, and the older I get, the more often I am ridiculed by straight men for being ugly. Just last night, a man asked me if I was jealous of my pretty friends and if I wished I could look like them. I know I'm unattractive, but I've met wonderful girls who I think are at least as physically unattractive as me who have managed to find someone to love them. I need to know if I should even bother anymore—it's hard to find a job, make friends, and basically just find people who will treat me like a human being. I shower every day, try to dress well, and wear makeup, but none of it seems to help. It appears that my only options are plastic surgery or suicide, and the older I get, the more appealing the latter becomes. And no, I don't have body dysmorphic disorder, I am absolutely sure.
Anonymous
P.S. I can't trust my friends to tell me the truth, because they love me, which either (a) clouds their judgment, or (b) makes them reluctant to hurt my feelings. The only commentary I have to go on comes from people I don't know who feel a need to inform me that I'm ugly. But I'm not sure. Should I send you a picture?
A: You can send me a picture if you like, Anonymous, preferably one taken by the brand-new therapist that you're going to get. Because you may or may not have body dysmorphic disorder, and you may or may not be ugly, and your friends may or may not be shining you on, but you clearly need more help than I can give you in this space. But I'll accept your self-diagnosis and say this much...
Things will get better as you get older. Not your looks, Anonymous, if your looks are truly the problem, but your peers. People are assholes in their 20s, and pouring alcohol into assholes doesn't make 'em stink less. Straight boys raised to believe that women exist for their pleasure will sometimes feel personally affronted by unattractive women, and alcohol makes them feel entitled to comment. But the passage of time makes monsters of us all, Anonymous, and the young, relatively hot straight guys tormenting you today are the bald, paunchy, and if there is a God, burn victims of tomorrow.
So the numbers of guys who can appreciate what you bring to the table—your humanity, your compassion, your ability to love—will grow over time, kiddo, and you may find in middle age what your girlfriends found as young adults. Unless you off yourself in the meantime, Anonymous, in which case you won't be around to watch those cruel, drunken boys deteriorate, wither, and die. And why would you want to cheat yourself out of that?
It makes me angry that Dan would never get a letter like this from a man. Can you imagine women going up to men they didn’t know and making fun of their looks? It would never happen.
Fighting Ugly
July 24, 2008
By Dan Savage
Q: I'm a 22-year-old female, and the older I get, the more often I am ridiculed by straight men for being ugly. Just last night, a man asked me if I was jealous of my pretty friends and if I wished I could look like them. I know I'm unattractive, but I've met wonderful girls who I think are at least as physically unattractive as me who have managed to find someone to love them. I need to know if I should even bother anymore—it's hard to find a job, make friends, and basically just find people who will treat me like a human being. I shower every day, try to dress well, and wear makeup, but none of it seems to help. It appears that my only options are plastic surgery or suicide, and the older I get, the more appealing the latter becomes. And no, I don't have body dysmorphic disorder, I am absolutely sure.
Anonymous
P.S. I can't trust my friends to tell me the truth, because they love me, which either (a) clouds their judgment, or (b) makes them reluctant to hurt my feelings. The only commentary I have to go on comes from people I don't know who feel a need to inform me that I'm ugly. But I'm not sure. Should I send you a picture?
A: You can send me a picture if you like, Anonymous, preferably one taken by the brand-new therapist that you're going to get. Because you may or may not have body dysmorphic disorder, and you may or may not be ugly, and your friends may or may not be shining you on, but you clearly need more help than I can give you in this space. But I'll accept your self-diagnosis and say this much...
Things will get better as you get older. Not your looks, Anonymous, if your looks are truly the problem, but your peers. People are assholes in their 20s, and pouring alcohol into assholes doesn't make 'em stink less. Straight boys raised to believe that women exist for their pleasure will sometimes feel personally affronted by unattractive women, and alcohol makes them feel entitled to comment. But the passage of time makes monsters of us all, Anonymous, and the young, relatively hot straight guys tormenting you today are the bald, paunchy, and if there is a God, burn victims of tomorrow.
So the numbers of guys who can appreciate what you bring to the table—your humanity, your compassion, your ability to love—will grow over time, kiddo, and you may find in middle age what your girlfriends found as young adults. Unless you off yourself in the meantime, Anonymous, in which case you won't be around to watch those cruel, drunken boys deteriorate, wither, and die. And why would you want to cheat yourself out of that?
July 23, 2008
Emily Giffin's "Love the One You're With"; Breakup Phrases
Think of that ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend of yours. You know, HIM. Or HER. The one whose very name you still makes you weak in the knees. The one you feel badly about dumping, or who you still secretly wish hadn’t dumped you. Then imagine running into him or her again, completely by chance, three months after you’ve married someone else – and this ex seems to want you back. What would you do?
That’s the premise of the wholly satisfying novel I finished reading yesterday: “Love the One You’re With” by Emily Giffin. It was overly sentimental at times, but talk about a page-turner -- I had every intention of going to the gym last night but couldn’t put the book down long enough to walk there! I won’t reveal too much, in case you want to read it. But Giffin was pretty skillful in showing the seemingly perfect husband and the ostensibly jerky ex, then slowly revealing more about each character until you realize the situation isn’t that clear-cut. It also got me wondering about how much of relationships is luck, how much is choice, and how much is fate. Quite a read.
Then I was perusing the eHarmony web site, and an article caught my eye called “5 Breakup Phrases: Words that Signal the End” (http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2021&cid=2091&aid=71605). I was hoping it would give me ideas for how to phrase my e-mail to Drummer Boy (no, I still haven’t written him back; yes, I’m terrible). Apparently if you hear any of the following from your significant other, they could be halfway out the door: 1) “I need space.” 2) “I’ll call you later” (accompanied by an exasperated sigh) 3) “So-and-So doesn’t do that!” (comparing you to somebody else) 4) Profane insults and name-calling. 5) Nothing – you’ve entirely stopped communicating. In “Love the One You’re With,” some of those warning signs had led the protagonist and her long-lost ex to break up in the first place.
That’s the premise of the wholly satisfying novel I finished reading yesterday: “Love the One You’re With” by Emily Giffin. It was overly sentimental at times, but talk about a page-turner -- I had every intention of going to the gym last night but couldn’t put the book down long enough to walk there! I won’t reveal too much, in case you want to read it. But Giffin was pretty skillful in showing the seemingly perfect husband and the ostensibly jerky ex, then slowly revealing more about each character until you realize the situation isn’t that clear-cut. It also got me wondering about how much of relationships is luck, how much is choice, and how much is fate. Quite a read.
Then I was perusing the eHarmony web site, and an article caught my eye called “5 Breakup Phrases: Words that Signal the End” (http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2021&cid=2091&aid=71605). I was hoping it would give me ideas for how to phrase my e-mail to Drummer Boy (no, I still haven’t written him back; yes, I’m terrible). Apparently if you hear any of the following from your significant other, they could be halfway out the door: 1) “I need space.” 2) “I’ll call you later” (accompanied by an exasperated sigh) 3) “So-and-So doesn’t do that!” (comparing you to somebody else) 4) Profane insults and name-calling. 5) Nothing – you’ve entirely stopped communicating. In “Love the One You’re With,” some of those warning signs had led the protagonist and her long-lost ex to break up in the first place.
July 21, 2008
Apply for Arranged Marriage TV; guy update
Remember Drummer Boy, who made me pay for our movie tickets on our third date, even though a) going to the movies was his idea, and b) probably makes more than twice as much money as I do (see my June 26th post)? Well, he e-mailed me a couple days after that date, inviting me to the beach on the 4th of July. I waited a couple of days, then e-mailed back explaining I was going away for the holiday to visit family. He e-mailed back and said, “Okay, but you’re missing out.” Um, no, I really don’t think that I am. I didn’t write back to his e-mail – and I thought I got off easy, because I never heard from him again.
Until last night, when he e-mailed me out of the blue, just saying hi, how was your weekend, I got out of town for a while and it was great. So now I’ll have to write him an awkward e-mail back, explaining that I don’t want to see him again. Sigh. It’s been almost three weeks -- why couldn’t he have just stayed disappeared?
Meanwhile, last week I had no phone calls and only one e-mail from Mr. No Touchy-Feely (11 dates over the past six months, and nothing more than a hug and kiss on the cheek after each one). He finally called me Friday night and asked if I had any plans on Saturday. Why, yes, I did. Sorry, but I need more than 24 hours notice since I have, you know, a life.
Are any of you interested in applying to be on the Arranged Marriage TV show (http://www.ArrangedMarriageTV.com) currently being developed for HBO? When I blogged about it in my July 18th post, I called the whole idea “cringe-inducing” and wondered (in capital letters) who would ever apply to be on it – but I guess any publicity is good publicity, because I received a very nice e-mail from Mr. Lyle Dohl, a casting associate for the show, thanking me for mentioning it. He said they have a casting producer in New York City this week, so if any of you in the NYC area want to apply to be on the show, feel free to contact Mr. Dohl at 213-630-6530, ext. 322, or lyle.dohl@magicalelves.com Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Until last night, when he e-mailed me out of the blue, just saying hi, how was your weekend, I got out of town for a while and it was great. So now I’ll have to write him an awkward e-mail back, explaining that I don’t want to see him again. Sigh. It’s been almost three weeks -- why couldn’t he have just stayed disappeared?
Meanwhile, last week I had no phone calls and only one e-mail from Mr. No Touchy-Feely (11 dates over the past six months, and nothing more than a hug and kiss on the cheek after each one). He finally called me Friday night and asked if I had any plans on Saturday. Why, yes, I did. Sorry, but I need more than 24 hours notice since I have, you know, a life.
Are any of you interested in applying to be on the Arranged Marriage TV show (http://www.ArrangedMarriageTV.com) currently being developed for HBO? When I blogged about it in my July 18th post, I called the whole idea “cringe-inducing” and wondered (in capital letters) who would ever apply to be on it – but I guess any publicity is good publicity, because I received a very nice e-mail from Mr. Lyle Dohl, a casting associate for the show, thanking me for mentioning it. He said they have a casting producer in New York City this week, so if any of you in the NYC area want to apply to be on the show, feel free to contact Mr. Dohl at 213-630-6530, ext. 322, or lyle.dohl@magicalelves.com Good luck and let me know how it goes!
July 18, 2008
Free Speed-Dating; Arranged Marriage TV Show
This is short notice, but if any of you are interested in trying speed-dating, Date & Dash (http://www.DateandDash.com) is offering a FREE speed-dating event tonight at 8 PM at Alibi,116 MacDougal Street (& Bleecker) in Manhattan. Call Vilius G., DateandDash Project Manager, if you’d like to go: 773-495-0088. Keep in mind that the one and only Date & Dash event I’ve been to started late and was poorly run (see my July 2nd and July 3rd posts) -- but who knows, maybe they’ve turned over a new leaf.
Is arranged marriage threatening to become “trendy” here in North America? Well, apparently there’s going to be a reality show about it – a sign of a trend if ever there was one. Thanks to an anonymous commenter on my July 16th post, I have learned that HBO is actually planning a reality show in which people agree to have their family and friends choose them a husband or a wife (http://www.arrangedmarriagetv.com). The arranged couples promptly get married, and the camera crew follows them along their daily lives for an entire year to see how their marriages go. My first thought: WHO WOULD SIGN UP FOR THAT!? I wonder if these couples really will get legally married. I can’t imagine marrying someone I didn’t know from Adam, and then living with them in front of TV cameras for a whole year! At least your family and friends are choosing for you, and you would hope they have your best interests at heart, but that’s a lot of faith to put in their judgement. Here’s another article about the show: http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/hbo-now-casting-volunteers-for-upcoming-reality-tv-show-arranged-marriage Leave it to us Americans to take a sacred cultural tradition and turn it into cringe-inducing reality TV.
That said, if I were the creator of the show, I would follow both arranged couples AND “love match” couples, and compare how they do over the course of the year. That would be really interesting.
Is arranged marriage threatening to become “trendy” here in North America? Well, apparently there’s going to be a reality show about it – a sign of a trend if ever there was one. Thanks to an anonymous commenter on my July 16th post, I have learned that HBO is actually planning a reality show in which people agree to have their family and friends choose them a husband or a wife (http://www.arrangedmarriagetv.com). The arranged couples promptly get married, and the camera crew follows them along their daily lives for an entire year to see how their marriages go. My first thought: WHO WOULD SIGN UP FOR THAT!? I wonder if these couples really will get legally married. I can’t imagine marrying someone I didn’t know from Adam, and then living with them in front of TV cameras for a whole year! At least your family and friends are choosing for you, and you would hope they have your best interests at heart, but that’s a lot of faith to put in their judgement. Here’s another article about the show: http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/hbo-now-casting-volunteers-for-upcoming-reality-tv-show-arranged-marriage Leave it to us Americans to take a sacred cultural tradition and turn it into cringe-inducing reality TV.
That said, if I were the creator of the show, I would follow both arranged couples AND “love match” couples, and compare how they do over the course of the year. That would be really interesting.
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