How bizarre, how bizarre

How could I have neglected to write about the weirdest speed-date I’ve ever had, at New York EasyDates’ “creative singles” event!? (See my 1/25/08 “EasyDates” post.) A guy we’ll call Paranoid sat down across from me, and we started chatting. When I mentioned that I do grantwriting, he said, “Oh, I’ve written a few grants – for my research.”

“Research on what?” I asked.

He then proceeded to tell me that twelve years ago he got a grant to do some scientific research, but he finished in record time, so his mentor told him to come up with an additional project. It was fall, and Paranoid had a lot of leaves in his yard, so he decided to figure out a way to make ethanol out of leaves – and within just a few months, he did it. He got a million-dollar grant to perfect the process, and his mentor started flying to different countries to introduce the technology to them.

“He was flying from Taiwan to Brazil when he died of an aneurysm on the plane – well, that’s what they SAID happened,” Paranoid said with a suspicious air.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I think they got him,” Paranoid whispered. “The big businesses that grow corn, they don’t want to see ethanol made from leaves and grass and lose their profits. In fact, I think the Brazilians stole our technology and are using it now – that’s how they can produce so much. They SAY their ethanol is from sugarcane, but they’re definitely using our technology.”

Paranoid said that his mentor’s “murder” scared him so badly that he ended up changing his name, getting a different social security number, and moving “to a dead end dirt road on Long Island. I still live there,” he added.

Paranoid certainly got points for being, uh, “creative,” but I didn’t choose to see him again. I would’ve been looking over my shoulder the entire time!

I will note, however, that Brazil IS at or near the top of the world in global ethanol production – from sugarcane. So who knows? Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you….