Choices

Update on Mr. No Touchy-Feely: after our enjoyable 45-minute phone conversation last Friday night, I forwarded him a link to a funny commercial. He responded on Saturday agreeing that it was funny and sending me a link to a funny video. I e-mailed him Monday morning thanking him for sending it and asking how his weekend went. He wrote back that afternoon telling me about it. I responded a few hours later. Instead of writing back, he called and left me a voicemail at 9:45 last night. I responded by e-mail this morning, saying I’d be out tonight but if he’d be around tomorrow night, we could chat then. No response yet.

The other issue making this whole situation very confusing is someone I’ll call the Nicest Guy in the World. I started writing to him on Match.com (http://www.Match.com) in December 2006 after he sent me a 'wink' on the site, and we then met for one date in January 2007. He likes me, but I’ve always said I didn’t like him in that way. However, over the past couple of months, I’ve suddenly started to like him in precisely that way! I have to see if it’s just a crush or if I actually like him in a long-term relationship kind of way. I don't think he would just want to date casually, so I have to be careful. How could I live with myself if I hurt the feelings of the Nicest Guy in the World?

I actually just read a really good article about this type of situation called “Sometimes ‘He’s Not My Type’ Ends Up Being ‘The One’” (http://www.tangomag.com/2006182/unnatural-selection.html) by Leslie Bennetts. She and her husband, who “wasn’t her type at all,” were nothing more than colleagues and friends for many months before they finally started dating. Here’s my favorite paragraph:

“Although many women still think of falling in love as if it were the product of that mythical coup de foudre, a bolt from the heavens that instantly illuminates the entire landscape, that’s not my experience at all. To me, love is more like a plant. When you scatter seeds in the earth, you never know which ones are going to sprout. Some thrive while others die, but over time the strong ones put down roots that will eventually support a plant: one that may grow for years, or even decades. To me, a friendship that grows deep roots long before it blossoms may ultimately become the strongest foundation for a lasting love. For when it comes to love, ‘you just never know,’ my husband says. ‘Until you know.’”