Money Money Money Money...Mo-ney!

I just read an article on the eHarmony web site called “How to Divulge Your Financial Worth or Debt” (http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2004&cid=2091&aid=061104). On most dating web sites you can list your income range, and I always do. If I were a grad student not bringing in any income, I probably wouldn’t divulge, and if I made a lot, I probably wouldn’t either. But since my annual salary is only slightly higher than what the average person in the U.S. earns, and most of the guys I go out with make more money than I do, I’m up front about it in my profile. I figure it’ll make them feel better about picking up the check for dinner if they know that I earn tens of thousands of dollars less than they do!

Debt is another story, however. I’ve never had credit card debt that equaled my annual salary or anything, fortunately, but I’ve still had it, and I just recently finished paying off the last of it, thank God. I was ashamed of my debt and never would have revealed it to a guy unless we’d been going out for a while and were getting serious. The HurryDate.com web site has a question that goes something like, “If you suddenly received an extra $500, what would do you with it?” One of the answers you can choose is, “Use it to help pay off my credit card debt.” When I had debt, I would never choose that answer (even though it was the truth!) because I didn’t want guys to start thinking I was financially irresponsible before they even met me.

Anyway, I think the article gives good advice. It basically says there’s no need to talk about how much you earn or any debt you have in the very early stages of a relationship. But as the relationship gets more serious, “if you feel that you two are reaching that point where you’d have concerns if the situation were reversed, then maybe it’s time to talk. Perhaps the biggest question to ask yourself is how much you trust the other person. If you can’t trust the person, or rather you just don’t trust him or her enough yet, then it’s probably not time to get into specific details. If, on the other hand, the trust between you is strong, then now might be a good time to be more forthcoming…Just as you can divulge your financial situation too early, it’s also possible to wait too long. You don’t want to become engaged to someone before letting your partner know that you’ve accumulated some sort of outrageous debt…Financial details will come out eventually, so don’t wait too long to discuss your current situation. The last thing you want, especially in a relationship that’s becoming more serious and solid, is to make the other person feel misled or that you’ve been holding back important information.”