Best Title EVER

My favorite entertainment reporters from Metro NY newspaper (http://ny.metro.us/), Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, are coming out with a book on Sept. 2nd – and of all the dating advice books on the market, this one’s got to take the prize for funniest and most accurate title. Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway) promises to show readers how to make a first impression that is more "good" than "totally crazy,” give you foolproof breakup lines for total damage control, and show you how not to panic the moment you realize you're actually in a relationship. Here’s the Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Dating-Makes-You-Want-Die/dp/0061456500/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219937525&sr=1-1

SHI, not shy

What does the acronym SHI mean? Why, it stands for Single, Happy, & Interested, of course – and now, whether you’re straight or gay, this symbol can help you meet potential dates. A friend sent me this article about these “relationship status” pins (http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/how-to-spot-a-gay-single-and-hot-date-using-a-shi-symbol), which you can wear on your clothing in hopes that another single will spot it. And maybe ask you out. They used to be available only in Australia (those Aussies are so cutting-edge), but you can now buy them in the U.S.: check out http://www.shisymbol.com/
They have pins, pendants, shirts, bracelets, earrings, even cuff links. The jewelry costs more than your average costume jewelry at Claire’s, and the cheapest shirt I saw was $35, not including shipping. For just a little bit more than that, you could get a month on Match.com!

I’d feel a little weird “advertising” my relationship status in a symbol on my chest, but I doubt most people know what it means anyway – so wearing it probably won’t help much. But if nothing else, it’s a conversation starter, which could help you meet someone in your regular day-to-day life, NOT online. Wow -- what a concept!

Speed-dating this THURS. 8/28: only $20!

I received this e-mail a couple days ago. If any of you in the NYC area who are between the ages of 26 and 39 have been wanting to try speed-dating, this should be a great introduction to it. New York Easy Dates (http://www.nyeasydates.com) is one of my favorite speed-dating companies, and $20 is a good price, too. If you attend, let me know how it goes!

>Do you know anyone who has wanted to try speed-dating, but has felt a little apprehensive about it? Someone you'd like to encourage to try it? Maybe someone who hasn't been involved in the NYC dating scene for a while, and needs to plunge back in?
If so, please do forward them this e-mail. Next Thursday (August 28th), we're going to hold an event for people who are trying speed-dating for the first time.
Our friendliest hosts will be running the event, and we'll take a bit of extra time explaining the concept and how everything works. There will be complimentary appetizers and drinks specials, and the event will be just $20.
Here's the link for more details, or to register: https://www.nyeasydates.com/new_york/events/783/event_details.html
Event details: Madame X Lounge, 94 West Houston St, New York, NY
Thursday, August 28th at 7.30 pm
Women and Men, ages 26-39
regards,
The NYED Team

Flesch-Kincaid reading level

Did you know that Microsoft Word has a feature where you can figure out the reading level of your document? In Word, just go to Tools, click on Options, and under Grammar, click on Show Readability Statistics, then hit OK. Then run a spell-check like you usually do, and once it finds/corrects all the errors, it will tell you the reading ease and grade level using the Flesch-Kincaid grade level formula. I just figured this out today and have been entertaining myself by pasting various documents into Word to test their readability levels. Interestingly, all of the newspaper articles I tried, from the NY Daily News to amNY to the New York Times, came in at the 12th grade to 13th grade (i.e., college) level. Then I pasted in the rough draft of a nonfiction children’s book I’ve been working on, and it came in at the 7th grade level (note to self: simplify!). Finally, I tested all of my August blog postings. Can you guess what the reading level is for this blog?

I’ll give you a minute to think about it.

Here it is: the average reading level for my August blog postings is -- grade 9.4. Surprised? It was certainly a higher level than I expected. But it’s nice to know that even if a potential reader dropped out of high school a few months into freshman year, he or she should still be able to read my blog.

I’m tempted to start testing the reading levels of the e-mails that my potential on-line dates write to me…is that wrong?

More John Edwards thoughts

I’m having second thoughts about John Edwards -- I think Rielle Hunter’s baby is his kid after all. According to Hunter's friends, she mentioned having a married boyfriend from North Carolina named John, but she never talked about Andrew Young, the (married) campaign aide who supposedly fathered her child (born in February). According to the New York Times, “Hunter was pregnant when she moved to California from North Carolina late last year with Andrew Young” (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/politics/15edwards.html?scp=3&sq=John%20Edwards&st=cse). But if Edwards and Hunter really did end their affair in 2006, why would Edwards agree to meet her, AND the baby, in a California hotel room really late at night? It was like 2 AM when those National Enquirer reporters caught him leaving the hotel! Why wouldn't Andrew Young be with her then, if she's really dating him and he's really the baby's father (they supposedly moved across the country together, after all)? I know Edwards said he would be happy to take a paternity test, but it’s easy for him to say that when Hunter seems determined not to have her daughter tested. And why would Hunter not list a father on the birth certificate, or allow her daughter to be tested, if she definitely is Young’s kid? Very suspicious.

Also, I can’t help but comment on the name of one of Hunter’s friends who has been quoted in the press: Pigeon O’Brien. Who names their kid PIGEON!?

Wrong numbers that are really right

Last year I read about this guy who woke up one day with a random phone number in his head – the phone number of a stranger who would eventually become his wife (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-447429/I-dreamt-phone-number-bride-be.html). According to the article, "I Dreamt Up A Phone Number and Found My Bride-To-Be" by Beth Hale, one day Michelle Kitson’s phone number just popped into David Brown’s mind as he woke up and kept running through his head all day long, until David finally texted her. They started talking, then they met in person, and the next thing you know, they were getting married. Judging from the comments that readers posted to the story, similar strange phone number incidents are not as rare as you would think. One person commented that one day, a friend mis-dialed his girlfriend’s number, ended up talking to the wrong number for a while, and decided to meet her for coffee. He ended up breaking up with his original girlfriend, and he and the ‘wrong number’ are still together 30 years later!

It reminds me of a story my mom once told me about a wrong number who called her when she was living in New York City as a newlywed. Even after the guy realized he had the wrong number, he chatted with my mom for a couple minutes, and finally he said, “If you don’t mind my saying so, you have such a great voice. I know this sounds strange, but I’d love to meet you in person.” But my mom politely explained that she had just gotten married, and that was that. I wonder where that man is today? According to my mom, he had a pretty nice voice himself – though not as nice as my dad’s, of course. :)

Cheatin' Hearts

Last Friday, Johns Edwards became the latest in a long line of politicians to admit to having an extramarital affair. Disappointing. I really admired his focus on poverty and his theme of “Two Americas.” But I guess Rielle Hunter admired even more than that (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/09/us/politics/09edwards.html?scp=10&sq=John%20Edwards&st=cse). There’s even some question as to whether Edwards fathered Hunter’s baby, who was born in February of this year and who does not have a father listed on the birth certificate. But since another man has claimed to be the father, and Edwards seems eager to take a paternity test, the odds seem low. (Thank goodness for small favors.)

Edwards blamed his own egotism and narcissism for his affair – apparently he got to a point where he thought he was so amazing that he could get away with anything. What else causes people to cheat on their spouses? Dr. Laura Berman has an interesting article on Yahoo Health (http://health.yahoo.com/experts/sexualhealing/18851/why-do-people-cheat/) in which she discusses various reasons, including feeling the need for greater appreciation, revenge for their partner’s (real or imagined) affair, and low self-esteem (“I don’t deserve such a great relationship, so I’ll cheat and it will end before my partner falls out of love with me and ends it”).

Somebody named Ruth Houston, an ‘infidelity expert’ (how do you get that gig?), writes that 70% of men say they had an affair primarily for sexual reasons, whereas only 20% of women say the same (http://hometown.aol.com/cheatingsigns/page87.html.). She claims that the most common reasons men give for cheating are “wanting more sex (the desire for a more active sex life); sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex); opportunistic sex (taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught); to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female); a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it’s a man’s prerogative to cheat); the ‘thrill of the chase’; the desire to feel important or special; and sexual addiction.” The most common reasons women list are “lack of emotional intimacy (a desire for a close emotional bond); dissatisfaction with her mate; marital or relationship unhappiness; a desire for male attention; to reaffirm her desirability; to re-experience feelings of romance; a desire to feel ‘special’; boredom; loneliness; and sexual excitement.”

I’ve long had a theory that 25% of the people in this world are having 75% of the sex. These politicians are not doing much to prove me wrong.

Date Our Friend in Time Out NY

Did you know there are personal ads in Time Out New York Magazine (http://www.timeout.com/newyork/)? Well, sort of. They have a feature called “Date Our Friend,” and in each week’s issue, someone who works at TONY (as they call it) explains why their friend would be a great person to date, and the friend writes something about themselves and who they’re looking for. There’s a photo, too, so you can see what they look like, and if you’re interested you can e-mail them at a special Gmail address that they set up for the occasion.

I had never paid much attention to Date Our Friend before, but one week, the featured guy caught my eye. He just sounded nice, funny, and smart. But I felt weird about writing to him -- I don’t know why. (After all my ups and downs on the dating journey, I should have no shame anymore.) I waited two weeks, and probably wouldn’t have written to him at all, thinking it was too late -- until I saw another issue of TONY, in which a woman who had been featured wrote an update saying that only four guys had written to her, all of whom were either creepy or one of her friend’s ex-boyfriends (!), so her mailbox was still open for normal guys to contact her. I thought, well, maybe it’s not too late for the guy I liked, so I finally e-mailed him.

A few days later, he wrote me a really nice note saying “thank you for the frankly awesome e-mail.” But he’d written the bio for Date our Friend two months earlier, and just in the past couple of weeks, he’d started dating someone exclusively. Since we live in different boroughs, I had asked in my e-mail to him if he was willing to date “inter-boroughly,” and in his e-mail to me, he wrote, “I don't understand people who are insistent on confining themselves to a narrow range of experiences. Don't ever let any guy -- especially any guy from Manhattan -- give you crap about not venturing ‘all the way out to Brooklyn’ when ‘there's no reason ever to exit Manhattan.’ These people are snobs and should be destroyed.” :)

So, I would recommend TONY’s Date Our Friend as a possible good way to meet someone. Go to http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/sex-dating/28034/date-our-friend for the currently featured friend in Date Our Friend.

Living Apart Together

Have you ever known a couple who continues to live separately even after they’re married? The Tango Magazine web site has an interesting article about this called “Living Apart: The Key to Wedded Bliss” by Catie Lazarus (http://www.tangomag.com/20085279/separate-homes-the-key-to-a-happy-marriage.html/1). I don’t know any married couples who live apart – but one of my relatives, who shall remain nameless, actually thought it was a good idea and, a month or two before the wedding, tried to talk her husband into each of them renting two separate apartments. Luckily, he convinced her that wouldn’t be necessary, and they now live together happy as clams (and we all know how happy clams are).

But according to the article, several celebrity couples live separately, including Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton. Many of these couples pride themselves on their independence and on keeping the romance alive -- which I guess is more challenging when you wake up with the same person day after day, having drooled on your pillow and hogged the covers all night. Sometimes there are issues with children from previous relationships which make it easier to live apart, as well.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ve lived in uber-expensive New York too long, but I think having someone to split the rent or mortgage with would be a HUGE advantage of getting married! On the other hand, if this trend of living separately takes off, it could definitely help the troubled real estate market.

In other news, Mr. No Touchy-Feely seems to have completely disappeared – no call or e-mail in over two weeks. Maybe he saw that I updated my photo on eHarmony (http://www.eharmony.com) and thought I wasn’t interested in him anymore. But then what was HE doing on eHarmony if he was still interested in me? Or, it could have nothing to do with eHarmony and he just realized once and for all that he didn’t want to kiss me. I wonder why it took him six months and eleven dates to figure it out??

Five ways to scare a guy away

I’m pleased to report that I haven’t engaged in any of the “Five Ways to Scare a Guy Away,” according to eHarmony (http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2035&cid=2091&aid=73001). I have never said “I love you” within the first three dates (that would scare me, too); or done “manly tricks” on a date, like opening a beer bottle with my teeth (only because I don’t have much talent in the “manly tricks” department); or gone on and on about wanting to get married; or introduced a guy to my kid too soon (since I don’t have a kid); or talked ad nauseum about how wonderful or how terrible an ex was.

Maybe all the cool guys are too busy taking exciting vacations to join eHarmony during the summer – the pickings seem a little slim these days. There are a couple who do seem to have potential, but I had to laugh at this part of one guy’s profile:

One thing he is most thankful for:
My keen intelect

Uh, sir? If you’re really that smart, you may want to learn how to spell “intellect.” Just a tip.

The hazards of cell phones (and I don't mean brain cancer)

Remember the Drummer Boy, the cheapskate who makes at least twice as much as I do, yet asked ME to pay for the tickets to a movie he suggested going to (see my June 26th post)? While I was away over the weekend, one of my friends accidentally called him from my phone! I had forgotten to delete him from my cell phone contacts, and while she was trying to use my cell phone, she hit his name by accident. She hung up once she heard it ring and realized her mistake. But then he called me a few hours later (on a Friday night no less) and left me a message, saying, “Hi, I see that you called me earlier, I’m sorry I missed it – give me a call back!” Um, no thanks. But I do feel guilty because I never officially ‘broke up’ with him (is it called breaking up when you’ve only had three dates?). I just never responded to his last e-mail. Bad, I know, but I just couldn’t figure out a way to say “you’re too cheap for me to date” in a polite way. So when he saw that I had called him on Friday but didn't leave a message, he was probably completely confused.

Oh, and I have not heard from Mr. No Touchy-Feely via phone OR e-mail in 12 days. That’s a record for him.