...unless you count my hanging out with the Nicest Guy in the World as a date. I had a lot of fun -- I do like him! It's just that whenever I think about not being able to date other people, I get nervous. Maybe I'm the one with a fear of commitment. :P
I thought I'd have a date with IT Guy (from eHarmony http://www.eharmony.com/) by now. We were supposed to meet last Thursday, but he cancelled at the last minute because of an eye infection. We had a nice chat on the phone that night, and as we said good-bye, he said we should re-schedule for this week. "I'll text you," he said. ??? Maybe I'm showing my age here, but -- text me? What are you, 12? We got through our first actual phone call just fine -- why not continue the practice? Anyway, I haven't heard a peep from him (in any form) since. Strange.
But, I've been enjoying e-mailing with New Jersey Journalist (also from eHarmony). I finally had to suggest actually getting together in person, which normally I wouldn't do, but after a few weeks of great e-mails I was too impatient to wait. So we're going to meet in the city next week. Since he's a journalist, he's taking a week off starting on Election Day just to relax. Can't say I blame him!
Interesting article by Tara Parker-Pope in Monday's New York Times called "Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity" (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/28/health/28well.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=infidelity&st=cse&oref=slogin). Parker-Pope quotes from studies showing that "in any given year, about 10 percent of married people — 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women — say they have had sex outside their marriage." But younger married women are now closing the gender gap — they are almost as likely to cheat as their husbands are. Also, "the lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased to 28 percent in 2006, up from 20 percent in 1991. For women over 60, the increase is more striking: to 15 percent, up from 5 percent in 1991."
On a happier note, thank you to all who have been clicking on my ads: I just passed the $50 earning mark! Once I hit $100, I'll get my first check. Thanks again!
October 30, 2008
October 24, 2008
Weird
I've received two strange e-mails from two of the eHarmony guys I'm in open communication with. Nothing scary or anything, just...odd. One of them had asked me why I became Catholic this year. I told him about why the religion appealed to me, and this is what he wrote back:
>You admire the Catholic emphasis on social justice? What does that entail? The wearing of the scarlet letter? I don't think the people in the book were Catholic. I can't remember. Protestant?
Um...huh?? Why does he seem to think Catholics want poor people to wear a scarlet letter? Or does he think Catholics wear one? The characters in "Scarlet Letter" were Puritans, and Hester Prynne wore the scarlet letter because she was convicted of adultery, so I don't see the connection at all. Such a weird response.
Meanwhile, in only his second e-mail to me ever, another eHarmony guy wrote that he would like to give me a better sense of what he's looking for. He then proceeded to go on and on about how he thinks there's a woman out there "with whom I can have a very special and long-lasting emotional and physical intimacy." He said he likes to be physically demonstrative in public ("within reason of course"). He wrote, "I love to see a woman's eyes sparkle and know that she is the way she is because no other man can make her feel special the way I do. Through good two-way communication, I seek over time to touch a deep place in her mind and heart, a place close to the very essence who she is as a complete woman. At the same time, we would mutually respect each other and work as a team to be the best people that we can be, both as individuals and as a couple. As idealistic that sounds, I believe those are the ingredients to maintain a long-lasting connection and relationship."
Which sounds great and all, but it's only his second e-mail to me -- talk about pressure! If he goes into every first date expecting that kind of connection, no wonder he's still single. Then he asked me to tell him about an issue I feel passionately about; if I could make men understand one thing, what would it be?; and "what compliment have you gotten in your life that has made you feel as though you were the most beautiful and sensual woman ever - i.e. without it being some lame cheesy pickup line?"
He did this to me in his first e-mail, too, asking me to describe a dream trip I'd like to take with "that special man in your life -- what would it be like?" and "What do you suppose is the difference between the kind of man you’re attracted to on the outside and the kind of guy who would truly fulfill you on the inside?" I keep thinking, can't we just get to know each other through natural conversation instead of all these deep philosophical questions? One or two are fine, but it's only his second e-mail to me and he's already making my head hurt.
Last night I was supposed to have my first date with the IT guy I've been communicating with, but he had to cancel due to an eye infection (ew). We talked on the phone tonight, though, and he actually sounds normal. We started talking about the presidential election, and he said, "I think it's going to be really close." I said, "I know, I'm so nervous!" Then I suddenly got even MORE nervous because I thought, oh, crap, who is he voting for?? If he says McCain, my heart will sink! (Despite living in one of the most liberal cities in the country, the Republicans -- all 12 of them -- always seem to find me.) Fortunately, he started talking about a friend of his who is canvassing for Obama in Florida next week. What a relief! Hopefully he'll be feeling better next week and we can meet in person.
>You admire the Catholic emphasis on social justice? What does that entail? The wearing of the scarlet letter? I don't think the people in the book were Catholic. I can't remember. Protestant?
Um...huh?? Why does he seem to think Catholics want poor people to wear a scarlet letter? Or does he think Catholics wear one? The characters in "Scarlet Letter" were Puritans, and Hester Prynne wore the scarlet letter because she was convicted of adultery, so I don't see the connection at all. Such a weird response.
Meanwhile, in only his second e-mail to me ever, another eHarmony guy wrote that he would like to give me a better sense of what he's looking for. He then proceeded to go on and on about how he thinks there's a woman out there "with whom I can have a very special and long-lasting emotional and physical intimacy." He said he likes to be physically demonstrative in public ("within reason of course"). He wrote, "I love to see a woman's eyes sparkle and know that she is the way she is because no other man can make her feel special the way I do. Through good two-way communication, I seek over time to touch a deep place in her mind and heart, a place close to the very essence who she is as a complete woman. At the same time, we would mutually respect each other and work as a team to be the best people that we can be, both as individuals and as a couple. As idealistic that sounds, I believe those are the ingredients to maintain a long-lasting connection and relationship."
Which sounds great and all, but it's only his second e-mail to me -- talk about pressure! If he goes into every first date expecting that kind of connection, no wonder he's still single. Then he asked me to tell him about an issue I feel passionately about; if I could make men understand one thing, what would it be?; and "what compliment have you gotten in your life that has made you feel as though you were the most beautiful and sensual woman ever - i.e. without it being some lame cheesy pickup line?"
He did this to me in his first e-mail, too, asking me to describe a dream trip I'd like to take with "that special man in your life -- what would it be like?" and "What do you suppose is the difference between the kind of man you’re attracted to on the outside and the kind of guy who would truly fulfill you on the inside?" I keep thinking, can't we just get to know each other through natural conversation instead of all these deep philosophical questions? One or two are fine, but it's only his second e-mail to me and he's already making my head hurt.
Last night I was supposed to have my first date with the IT guy I've been communicating with, but he had to cancel due to an eye infection (ew). We talked on the phone tonight, though, and he actually sounds normal. We started talking about the presidential election, and he said, "I think it's going to be really close." I said, "I know, I'm so nervous!" Then I suddenly got even MORE nervous because I thought, oh, crap, who is he voting for?? If he says McCain, my heart will sink! (Despite living in one of the most liberal cities in the country, the Republicans -- all 12 of them -- always seem to find me.) Fortunately, he started talking about a friend of his who is canvassing for Obama in Florida next week. What a relief! Hopefully he'll be feeling better next week and we can meet in person.
October 21, 2008
It rains, it pours....
All these guys are coming out of the woodwork on eHarmony (http://www.eHarmony.com) and actually, like, responding to me in a timely manner! Which is great, because my three-months-for-the-price-of-one subscription expires this Thursday, and I'm going to let it lapse. As I mentioned in my Oct. 15th post, I'm in open communication with a 43-year-old journalist, a 36-year-old lawyer, and a 32-year-old full-time grad student working toward a master's in public health. I'm now also in open communication with a 41-year-old IT person, and a 33-year-old dental resident. No meetings in person yet, though. I'll keep you posted.
October 19, 2008
The Winner's Guide to Dating (What I Learned about Love and Sex from Playing Texas Hold 'em)
Last weekend, a couple of friends came into NYC to visit. The weather was beautiful, so we were strolling down Prince Street when we came upon a really nice guy named Randall Klitz, who was selling a neat little book he wrote (and his girlfriend, Muriel Alvarez, illustrated) called "The Winner's Guide to Dating (What I Learned about Love and Sex from Playing Texas Hold 'em)." It contains such good advice as "be wary of the on-line 'bluff,'" "never go 'all-in' on the first round," and "observe new players before engaging them." I chatted with him about dating in New York, and my friends generously bought a copy of his book for me. When he found out I have a dating blog, he actually whipped out a tiny video camera and began videotaping an interview with me on the spot! I just checked his blog, http://peopleimeetonprincestreet.wordpress.com/, and it hasn't appeared yet, but it may some day. And if it doesn't, that's actually better -- a Dating Guru should, ideally, remain anonymous.
October 15, 2008
eHarmony: An Update
Exciting news: Liz Rizzo, a blogger out of L.A., linked to my "Kicked off e-Harmony" post on her Everyday Goddess blog at http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/everyday_goddess/2008/10/lets-talk-about-eharmony-shall-we.html She thinks that guy was kicked off eHarmony because he was married, by the way. Anyway, in her interesting and funny post, "Let's Talk About eHarmony, Shall We?", she discusses her positive experiences with eHarmony in the past, as compared to the lack of activity she's experiencing now. But eHarmony always starts slow. At least for me it does. I've been on the site again for nearly three months, and I didn't meet any guys in person until last week! You have to jump through so many hoops to get to open communication that it takes a while. But sometimes that can be a good thing -- after all, it saved me from meeting the guy who got kicked off! :O
My three-month subscription expires next week, and I'm going to let it lapse because I am currently in open communication with three guys who seem promising. One is a journalist, one is a lawyer, and one is a full-time grad student working toward a master's in public health. I've been e-mailing back and forth with the journalist and the grad student for a week or so now, and just sent my first e-mail to the lawyer. Hopefully I'll meet at least one of them in person sometime soon.
But remember when I went to the movies with Sweet but Shy last week? As the movie ended and the lights came on, I thought, "I wish I were here with the Nicest Guy in the World instead." And I found myself a little surprised at my own thought...but pleasantly so.
My three-month subscription expires next week, and I'm going to let it lapse because I am currently in open communication with three guys who seem promising. One is a journalist, one is a lawyer, and one is a full-time grad student working toward a master's in public health. I've been e-mailing back and forth with the journalist and the grad student for a week or so now, and just sent my first e-mail to the lawyer. Hopefully I'll meet at least one of them in person sometime soon.
But remember when I went to the movies with Sweet but Shy last week? As the movie ended and the lights came on, I thought, "I wish I were here with the Nicest Guy in the World instead." And I found myself a little surprised at my own thought...but pleasantly so.
October 14, 2008
What are you, my diet coach?
Sweet but Shy (formerly known as Mr. No Touchy-Feely) took me out for my birthday on Friday night -- a month late, but still. He did pick a nice restaurant. I even changed out of my jeans for the occasion.
After we ordered, I asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Now I am," he said, "but I really wasn't all day. I didn't eat lunch."
I was surprised. "So you haven't eaten anything since breakfast?"
"No, since last night."
!!! "If I hadn't had anything since last night, I would be eating my own arm right now," I said.
"Well, I had an iced coffee this morning," he said. "But that happens to me a lot. Sometimes I just don't get hungry all day."
I was having trouble making sense of this. "I have to eat every three hours," I informed him.
He asked me what I'd eaten that day.
"Well, let's see." I thought for a minute. "A bowl of Cheerios and a bowl of Lucky Charms. Later on, a raspberry yogurt. Then an apple, and a banana. And eight or nine of those little Dove chocolates."
His eyes widened in such shock, you would've thought I'd admitted to polishing off four ice cream sundaes. "Eight or nine chocolates!?" he said.
"Yeah, but they're small."
"But that's so much sugar!" he protested.
"Well, it's probably the equivalent of one candy bar."
"But how many calories is that?" he persisted.
Now I was all self-conscious. "Um, well, five of them are 220 calories -- that's one serving -- so eight would be around 350 calories."
"It's just so much sugar!" he said again.
"But I don't drink any soda, diet or regular,"I said. "I don't drink any coffee. I barely drink alcohol. It's my only vice!" I was starting to get annoyed now. I mean, according to the Body Mass Index I'm within a normal weight for my height, I go to the gym regularly, the last time I had blood work done my sugar was fine, my good cholesterol was high and my bad cholesterol was low. I think I can safely eat the equivalent of one chocolate bar without the world coming to an end.
So because I was getting irritated, I really wasn't in the mood to ask him about the status of our relationship. I think I have to come to the conclusion that it's not going anywhere. Especially since this time, all I got was a hug. Not even a kiss on the cheek!
But it was funny, when we went to the movies he bought a popcorn and a soda. We settled into our seats, he took a big drink of the soda, got a weird look on his face and said, "Uh-oh -- they gave me regular instead of diet. That's what I get for giving you such a hard time about the chocolate earlier!"
What can I say? Karma's rough sometimes. ;)
After we ordered, I asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Now I am," he said, "but I really wasn't all day. I didn't eat lunch."
I was surprised. "So you haven't eaten anything since breakfast?"
"No, since last night."
!!! "If I hadn't had anything since last night, I would be eating my own arm right now," I said.
"Well, I had an iced coffee this morning," he said. "But that happens to me a lot. Sometimes I just don't get hungry all day."
I was having trouble making sense of this. "I have to eat every three hours," I informed him.
He asked me what I'd eaten that day.
"Well, let's see." I thought for a minute. "A bowl of Cheerios and a bowl of Lucky Charms. Later on, a raspberry yogurt. Then an apple, and a banana. And eight or nine of those little Dove chocolates."
His eyes widened in such shock, you would've thought I'd admitted to polishing off four ice cream sundaes. "Eight or nine chocolates!?" he said.
"Yeah, but they're small."
"But that's so much sugar!" he protested.
"Well, it's probably the equivalent of one candy bar."
"But how many calories is that?" he persisted.
Now I was all self-conscious. "Um, well, five of them are 220 calories -- that's one serving -- so eight would be around 350 calories."
"It's just so much sugar!" he said again.
"But I don't drink any soda, diet or regular,"I said. "I don't drink any coffee. I barely drink alcohol. It's my only vice!" I was starting to get annoyed now. I mean, according to the Body Mass Index I'm within a normal weight for my height, I go to the gym regularly, the last time I had blood work done my sugar was fine, my good cholesterol was high and my bad cholesterol was low. I think I can safely eat the equivalent of one chocolate bar without the world coming to an end.
So because I was getting irritated, I really wasn't in the mood to ask him about the status of our relationship. I think I have to come to the conclusion that it's not going anywhere. Especially since this time, all I got was a hug. Not even a kiss on the cheek!
But it was funny, when we went to the movies he bought a popcorn and a soda. We settled into our seats, he took a big drink of the soda, got a weird look on his face and said, "Uh-oh -- they gave me regular instead of diet. That's what I get for giving you such a hard time about the chocolate earlier!"
What can I say? Karma's rough sometimes. ;)
October 9, 2008
Kicked off eHarmony (!)
Apparently it's possible to do something so terrible that eHarmony (http://www.eHarmony.com) doesn't even want to take your money anymore -- check out this e-mail I received on Wednesday:
* * *
From: eHarmony Customer Care
Subject: IMPORTANT – Match Termination Notification: (20693209)
Date: Wednesday, October 8, 2008, 1:15 PM
Dear eHarmony Friend,
Making your eHarmony experience safe and successful is important to us. As a
past or present user, we want to inform you that eHarmony has taken action to
remove one of your matches, Craig from Manhattan, from the eHarmony.com
service. This decision was made in accordance with our terms and conditions.
Consistent with our privacy policy, we do not disclose the specific reasons for
this person’s removal. eHarmony.com disclaims any responsibility or liability
with respect to any continued involvement between you and any person whose
account is closed by eHarmony.com. Please visit the links below for further
information on our privacy policy, and to obtain safety tips on corresponding
with matches.
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/about/terms
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/privacy/statement
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/safety/tips
To address any questions you may have, please visit our Frequently Asked
Questions section concerning the removal of users from our service. You can find
this information at the following link:
https://help-singles.eharmony.com/cgi-bin/eharmony_singles.cfg/php/enduser/guided_adp.php?p_faqid=1025
Sincerely,
Customer Relations
eHarmony
* * *
Crazy, huh? He had actually seemed like one of the more promising guys on the site -- good job, had traveled extensively, etc. I'd almost made it to the Open Communication stage with him, where you can finally write messages to each other freely instead of just sending each other pre-formed questions through the site. I wonder what he did to get kicked off!? I clicked on the last link above, which said: "eHarmony may determine that an account should be closed based on routine monitoring and review of account activity and/or information received regarding a member's account or activity. If an account is closed by eHarmony for Terms and Conditions violations, eHarmony will make every effort to notify any past or present customers matched to the users whose account has been closed. If you have received a notification regarding a match's account being closed, we strongly recommend that you discontinue any further communication with this match."
There was also another link to click on, which said:
* * *
Question
What are the most common reasons for closing a match's account?
Answer
The most common reason for account closure is a violation of eHarmony's Terms and Conditions such as the misrepresentation of personal information (name, identity, address, age or marital status)
* * *
But if a man was married but dating women from eHarmony and pretending to be single, how would they know? Did enough women he dated figure it out and tell e-Harmony? Or did he just write a vulgar e-mail to someone and she complained? Whatever it was, I'm relieved they shut down his account before I wasted time e-mailing him or, even worse, meeting him.
* * *
From: eHarmony Customer Care
Subject: IMPORTANT – Match Termination Notification: (20693209)
Date: Wednesday, October 8, 2008, 1:15 PM
Dear eHarmony Friend,
Making your eHarmony experience safe and successful is important to us. As a
past or present user, we want to inform you that eHarmony has taken action to
remove one of your matches, Craig from Manhattan, from the eHarmony.com
service. This decision was made in accordance with our terms and conditions.
Consistent with our privacy policy, we do not disclose the specific reasons for
this person’s removal. eHarmony.com disclaims any responsibility or liability
with respect to any continued involvement between you and any person whose
account is closed by eHarmony.com. Please visit the links below for further
information on our privacy policy, and to obtain safety tips on corresponding
with matches.
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/about/terms
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/privacy/statement
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/safety/tips
To address any questions you may have, please visit our Frequently Asked
Questions section concerning the removal of users from our service. You can find
this information at the following link:
https://help-singles.eharmony.com/cgi-bin/eharmony_singles.cfg/php/enduser/guided_adp.php?p_faqid=1025
Sincerely,
Customer Relations
eHarmony
* * *
Crazy, huh? He had actually seemed like one of the more promising guys on the site -- good job, had traveled extensively, etc. I'd almost made it to the Open Communication stage with him, where you can finally write messages to each other freely instead of just sending each other pre-formed questions through the site. I wonder what he did to get kicked off!? I clicked on the last link above, which said: "eHarmony may determine that an account should be closed based on routine monitoring and review of account activity and/or information received regarding a member's account or activity. If an account is closed by eHarmony for Terms and Conditions violations, eHarmony will make every effort to notify any past or present customers matched to the users whose account has been closed. If you have received a notification regarding a match's account being closed, we strongly recommend that you discontinue any further communication with this match."
There was also another link to click on, which said:
* * *
Question
What are the most common reasons for closing a match's account?
Answer
The most common reason for account closure is a violation of eHarmony's Terms and Conditions such as the misrepresentation of personal information (name, identity, address, age or marital status)
* * *
But if a man was married but dating women from eHarmony and pretending to be single, how would they know? Did enough women he dated figure it out and tell e-Harmony? Or did he just write a vulgar e-mail to someone and she complained? Whatever it was, I'm relieved they shut down his account before I wasted time e-mailing him or, even worse, meeting him.
October 6, 2008
Men, men, men....
Guy update: 1) Last week I had a date with another guy I met at the New York Easy Dates speed-dating marathon a couple of weeks ago (http://www.nyeasydates.com/). I won't even bother naming him because I doubt I'll see him again. He has a car service business, so since he's often in Manhattan during the day, he met me for lunch one afternoon last week. We had a great time talking politics for half an hour or so. Then suddenly he said, "I have a customer to pick up at 1:30. I'd better go," and he got all abrupt and left. At least he paid the bill first (though he did allow me to pay the tip). However...
2) Learned Optimism, the other guy from speed-dating who I had a date with a week ago, didn't think I was too old, I guess, even though I'm 36 and he's 28, because he e-mailed me asking me out again. I'm still not sure what to do. It may be worth it to have a second date with him, since he seemed kind of nervous on the first one. But...
3) I still like the Nicest Guy in the World a lot, so that's distracting me. I don't think it would be fair to him to date him while still dating other people, though, and that makes me feel nervous. So I have to hold off, at least for now. Especially since...
4) Mr. No Touchy-Feely is still in the picture. Yes. He resurfaced over the summer after not contacting me for three weeks, and we've e-mailed and talked on the phone. But I still haven't actually seen him in person since July. He called me this past Saturday, we had a good talk for over an hour, AND we made concrete plans for dinner and a movie this coming weekend. That's when I'm going to gather my courage and ask him what our relationship to each other is, exactly. I hereby rename him Sweet but Shy, because I think that's more accurate than Mr. No Touchy-Feely (even though he still hasn't done anything more than hug or kiss me on the cheek). I'll keep you posted!
2) Learned Optimism, the other guy from speed-dating who I had a date with a week ago, didn't think I was too old, I guess, even though I'm 36 and he's 28, because he e-mailed me asking me out again. I'm still not sure what to do. It may be worth it to have a second date with him, since he seemed kind of nervous on the first one. But...
3) I still like the Nicest Guy in the World a lot, so that's distracting me. I don't think it would be fair to him to date him while still dating other people, though, and that makes me feel nervous. So I have to hold off, at least for now. Especially since...
4) Mr. No Touchy-Feely is still in the picture. Yes. He resurfaced over the summer after not contacting me for three weeks, and we've e-mailed and talked on the phone. But I still haven't actually seen him in person since July. He called me this past Saturday, we had a good talk for over an hour, AND we made concrete plans for dinner and a movie this coming weekend. That's when I'm going to gather my courage and ask him what our relationship to each other is, exactly. I hereby rename him Sweet but Shy, because I think that's more accurate than Mr. No Touchy-Feely (even though he still hasn't done anything more than hug or kiss me on the cheek). I'll keep you posted!
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