Apparently it's possible to do something so terrible that eHarmony (http://www.eHarmony.com) doesn't even want to take your money anymore -- check out this e-mail I received on Wednesday:
* * *
From: eHarmony Customer Care
Subject: IMPORTANT – Match Termination Notification: (20693209)
Date: Wednesday, October 8, 2008, 1:15 PM
Dear eHarmony Friend,
Making your eHarmony experience safe and successful is important to us. As a
past or present user, we want to inform you that eHarmony has taken action to
remove one of your matches, Craig from Manhattan, from the eHarmony.com
service. This decision was made in accordance with our terms and conditions.
Consistent with our privacy policy, we do not disclose the specific reasons for
this person’s removal. eHarmony.com disclaims any responsibility or liability
with respect to any continued involvement between you and any person whose
account is closed by eHarmony.com. Please visit the links below for further
information on our privacy policy, and to obtain safety tips on corresponding
with matches.
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/about/terms
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/privacy/statement
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/safety/tips
To address any questions you may have, please visit our Frequently Asked
Questions section concerning the removal of users from our service. You can find
this information at the following link:
https://help-singles.eharmony.com/cgi-bin/eharmony_singles.cfg/php/enduser/guided_adp.php?p_faqid=1025
Sincerely,
Customer Relations
eHarmony
* * *
Crazy, huh? He had actually seemed like one of the more promising guys on the site -- good job, had traveled extensively, etc. I'd almost made it to the Open Communication stage with him, where you can finally write messages to each other freely instead of just sending each other pre-formed questions through the site. I wonder what he did to get kicked off!? I clicked on the last link above, which said: "eHarmony may determine that an account should be closed based on routine monitoring and review of account activity and/or information received regarding a member's account or activity. If an account is closed by eHarmony for Terms and Conditions violations, eHarmony will make every effort to notify any past or present customers matched to the users whose account has been closed. If you have received a notification regarding a match's account being closed, we strongly recommend that you discontinue any further communication with this match."
There was also another link to click on, which said:
* * *
Question
What are the most common reasons for closing a match's account?
Answer
The most common reason for account closure is a violation of eHarmony's Terms and Conditions such as the misrepresentation of personal information (name, identity, address, age or marital status)
* * *
But if a man was married but dating women from eHarmony and pretending to be single, how would they know? Did enough women he dated figure it out and tell e-Harmony? Or did he just write a vulgar e-mail to someone and she complained? Whatever it was, I'm relieved they shut down his account before I wasted time e-mailing him or, even worse, meeting him.
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39 comments:
Wow. Now I have another thing to worry about with eHarm. Of course I would have to get someone to talk to me first. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about.
Ha! Well, in my experience eHarmony gets off to a slow start, but eventually men do contact you.
I'm intrigued. I had heard that eHarmony was a Christian site, and they don't accept gays or lesbians, so maybe that had soemthing to do with it. ;)
SEECE
Wow - so strange. I'm glad that they have some sort of oversight..and that you didn't yet meet him if it really was something crazy he did!
I know -- I'm glad I didn't meet him, too!
Well, the people who founded it are Christian, but they accept people of all religions. But you're right, they don't accept gays and lesbians, which I think is wrong. }:-(
I have been on eHarmony off and on for a couple years. I get some great matches that flop after a while and some complete duds. There was one guy I was speaking to that got kicked off. I had no interest in speaking to him, because after I initial phone conversation, he would randomly text me, "What's up" at 2am, 3am, etc. Uh, I'm SLEEPING! But when he got kicked off, he texted me to tell me that it was because he got into some horrible verbal argument with a woman on there, she submitted all the emails to eHarmony for review and they booted him. I would have LOVED to have known what the emails said! If I hadn't already been over talking to him, that certainly would have done the trick.
Ugh, what a loser! Glad he got kicked off! Yeah, I would have suspected that more people get kicked off for writing insulting or vulgar e-mails than for being married. It's easy to forward a nasty e-mail to the powers-that-be at eHarmony, but harder to figure out someone is actually married -- and then be able to prove it.
I got kicked off e-harm for catching them trying to scam me! My account had expired a few weeks ago. They sent me an email saying a match wanted me to re-open, so I rejoined the next day only to have the match close me out in a hour. I was furious and accused them of scamming me out of more than $100. They gave me a refund, but blocked me from my profile and account. You can meet some nice people there, but it takes months and months because I think 70 percent of the matches they send you are no longer active.
It is my belief that this provision of eHarmony's terms and conditions was used, unwittingly by Eharmony, as a form of electronic libel and harassment against me (probably by a disgruntled ex-girlfriend). Awhile back, Eharmony terminated my account and sent an e-mail to other registered users, without ever explaining to me why. I had used the service off and on over the course of a few years, and had dated several women from the site, some of whom have become my close friends. In fact, the way I found out about the incident was through one of those friends, who called me to tell me she had received the e-mail and asked what had happened. I was dumbfounded, and made numerous phone calls to eHarmony to try and get an answer. I even filed a complaint with BBB and took the process as far as I could, and no representative from EH was ever willing to discuss it. I have a good reputation in the community, absolutely no criminal record, and have never been accused of a crime. However, the implication of the e-mail sent by eHarmony was that I was someone to be avoided -- which, as evidenced by some of the reaction on this forum, is libelous to the extent that it tends to harm my reptutation in the eyes of those who read the e-mail and who are not yet familiar with my good character. In other words, the people who know me, including former matches with whom I am now friends, knew there was nothing to it -- but people who don't would clearly be put off by receiving the e-mail. To this day, I still don't know what this was about, but my hunch is that this was brought about by a disgruntled ex-girlfriend, whom I had found out had been cheating on me and lying to our mutual acquaintances about alot of things, including the fact of her cheating. When I brought these facts to light, this was her retaliation. It is infruriating, because IF this is the reason why, I would have loved to give my side of the story to EH, who was apparently unwilling to listen. Though it's not worth my time at this point, I think this type of situation is grounds for a harassment and/or libel suit against EH and/or the disgruntled former dating interest. While it would be satisfying to file suit and subpoena whatever information EH thought they had but were unwilling to discuss on the phone, it is not worth my time. However, to someone else in this situation, a lawsuit might be a viable avenue to explore.
More specifically, Eharmony's e-mail to tens or hundreds of other users would be a violation of Texas law under Texas Civil Practices and Remedies Code:
Sec. 73.001. ELEMENTS OF LIBEL. A libel is a defamation expressed in written or other graphic form that tends to blacken the memory of the dead or that tends to injure a living person's reputation and thereby expose the person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or financial injury or to impeach any person's honesty, integrity, virtue, or reputation or to publish the natural defects of anyone and thereby expose the person to public hatred, ridicule, or financial injury.
The above e-mail from Eharmony clearly impeaches the character of the "person," and judging by the sampling of the reactions on this forum, exposes the person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule. While truth is generally a defense to libel, Eharmony's publication by e-mail to an untold number of recipients would not support this defense, because they did more than simply state that I (the user) had been terminated. Rather, they implied, in more ways than one, that I was somehow dangerous and to be avoided, without having any legal basis for making this allegation, e.g. no criminal or civil record, no public accusation of wrongdoing, no criminal investigation, and no other evidence of any wrongdoing - at least in my case.
This guy sounds suspect, but so is eHarmony. I got this warning because of an innocent comment under the "additional info you would like your matches to know."
John,
In order to help our customers have a safe and successful experience, eHarmony routinely reviews information posted to user profiles. During the registration process, you agreed to our terms and conditions, which limit the type of information that can be posted. During a recent review of your profile, information containing e-mail or web addresses was removed in accordance with our terms and conditions.
The following content has been removed from your profile:
Please don't freak out, but I've never seen Lost and I'm not on facebook.
We recommend that you edit your profile at your earliest convenience. Please review our Terms and Conditions for more information on Posting and Communication Restrictions. A link to this information has been provided below.
http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/about/terms
Sincerely,
Customer Care
eHarmony
John, thanks for your comment! And: huh?? Why the heck did they pull your (funny) comment? That is really weird. Obviously eHarmony still has some kinks to be worked out.
That's so interesting because I got almost the exact same message except it was about Craig from Northridge. Really freaked me out because I actually went out with him. I asked him about it and he said he contacted eharmony to ask what it was about but they wouldn't tell him why he got kicked off. He thought it might be due to some 'crazy chick' he went out with once, maybe twice (?) and that she was crazy. Ok, so easy to say that and blame it on someone else and he got really mad when I suggested that maybe HE had something to do with getting kicked off. Good riddance.
C, thanks for your comment -- maybe Craig from Northridge is the same Craig who said he was from Manhattan, and he just keeps opening new accounts from different places, freaking women out and getting kicked off?? LOL!
ANY FURTHER INFO ON "CRAIG"?
I have a best girlfriend who is talking to Craig from beverly Hills - formerly from Manhattan, Petrolchemical engineer, 38, single....he is getting a little weird, and she is oblivious......
Eharmony reset my account out of the blue & for no apparent reason. When I asked them about why? and could they reset it they kept responding telling me that my query had been sent from an email not linked to my account (which was not so). These requests went back and forwards about 6 - 8 times and resulted today in me receiving an email telling me that they(EHarmony) had CLOSED my account. For which they say they do not need to disclose why!
My sons purchased my membership for me as a 'USA mother's day prezzie' for me - their dad died 12 years ago & they worry for me! It still has a few months to run & they say they don't refund membership costs!!
HELP! Can someone please tell me what I can do to at least reclaim my sons' money - I was in the middle of communicating with a number of matches & all just wiped out when my account was reset!
What can I do to receive justice?
I was kicked off last April 2009. I played by the rules and got a Rely ID. They did give me a pro-rated refund. I did not violate any terms or condition. In fact they state they can kick someone off for "any reason or no reason." I do not know why I was on their system around two and half months. I didn't meet anyone. None of my ex-boyfriends were on there although they did match me up with my ex-dentist who I closed out immediately. Anyway I have never been married, do not have a criminal record, work for the state, my father is a retired minister. I go to church not religious spiritual I write poetry some published. I have worked at the election polls. And to this day I do not why they kicked me off. I will say this. Do not call them I probably called them too much for advice and my ex-dentist may have complain about being match up with me. Any dating agency that is hands on like eHarmony needs to be dealed with as little as possible. However, any dating site can do what they did. If you read the terms and conditions on any of them they are almost verbatim the same. Who knows. I wish to God I never became one of their customers.
They may have they couldn't find someone who me in the geographic area I was in. Who knows. There are people who are still looking after seven years. Two and half months was not adequate to find someone. READ THEIR TERMS AND DO NOT CALL ANY IF THEM UNLESS IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. It is hard enough finding someone without dealing with these dating agencies who will not deal honestly with you. I guess I will find someone if it meant to be. I am real gun shy of trusting another major dating site like Match, Zoosk. And I have eHarmony to thank for that. Annoymous II
I want to make the following correction I was on eHarmony from April 13, 2009 until July 1, 2009. I put I was terminated in April which is incorrect. I was shocked when they did it and I was further shocked by the fact that they refused to give a reason. I did not read all their terms and conditions. I do not think I am the only though who did not do that. Now I read all of the dating sites "terms and condition" and they are almost verbatim the same. I sent a complaint to Better Busines Bureau which did not reasolve it. I also asked someone from University of Houston Consumer Law Center to find out what the deal was. eHarmony sonewalled as usual. It is appalling to me that they can do that. I am not sure what they told me matches. However, I only had about three. I do know that during the time I was there some of my matches were terminated only with the explanation that they had violated eHarmony's terms and conditions. Which also mean if you read further that they can terminate customers for any or no reason. Since I did not violate any of their terms and conditions they terminated me for any or no reason. Apparently this is more common than they want to admit. I do not know if these customers were paying customers or merely free loaders. I have a lot of grips about eHarmony. First they mass market and beg someone to come aboard. And then they turn away around 10% of their entries because they do not pass their personality profile and they have minor depression. While they do that they let in upbeat hedonistic customers. One guy on another blogg who got in claimed he dated someone "Strictly because she was hot." Yet eHarmony also claims that they only match individuals who want a serious relationship. Everything hype they put out by marketing is contradicted in "Their terms and conditions." Their screening out seems to discriminate against people who may have emotional problems. It maybe that idealistic people get more depressed than people who live for the moment. I might add that after I was bumped I called some of the reps and they seem dumbfounded also. I think that it was probably one of the reps who did it. And that it why I tell people not to call them. The reps are not your friends. I trusted them however, to advise me in ways that I thought would be in my best interest. Some of the reps were nice. I still advise people not to call them. It just makes sense if you call them infrequently they may not know you are around. And maybe you will be one of the person who is on there still looking after seven years and so it goes.
Annoymous II. Just one final final comment. It is interesting to me that eHarmony still sends me emails trying to get me aboard. I have unsubcribed twice. They used the same email address I had when a member. I guess their marketing company does not keep in contact with their Risk Management dept.. However, I find it annoying. I am not naive enough to think they want me back; but someone else could be. And then they might apply and be bumped again? This show fragmemnted and cold they are. annoymous II
Anonymous II. Maybe I am bored but since I am able to post, I will make the following further observations. There is something very troubling and insidious about a dating agency which will not deal with a customer honestly. One blogger on a pro-eHarmony post who used to work for them said it was a smart move not to tell the customers why they have been terminated because of libel suits. This supports what other posters who have terminated have had concerns about. I am not concerned what they sent to the matches I had at the end. Since we weren't communicating. But the ideal that they won't deal honestly with you makes you wonder what they think they have on you. However, again I do not think it matters I had three matches left hadn't communicated with them. I do not even know if they were paying customers. I will say though that I am really gun shy of getting involved with most of these dating sites. I think the less they are involved in your search the less problems there are if you do not call them. I had been on Singlesnet a year and I am sure they have the same terms and conditions but I do not see them bumping me they would loose money.
The only thing I can figure is eHarmony thinks certain percentage of their customers are expendable.
The reality is they were not matching me up with matches that I thought were compatible. They matched me up with, doctors, lawyers, accountants and school teachers. Out of the group only school teachers might have worked. When I asked one of the reps why can't you match up with a "Red neck" he thought I was talking about the Amish. I will never know why they bumped me, but they were not finding me anyone. The reason I didn't asked to leave I thought maybe that would change. The closest they came to getting me "red neck" was some guy who spent his time, rock climbing, skiing, and jumping out of planes. I surprise he didn't try to break out of a safe. We had nothing in common. He and a hispanic man who work in the medical field ( wouldn't say what he did) were the only man interested in me and I never met either one of them. The hispanic guy seems a little chauvinistic. And wouldn't send his photo. I really think that these dating sites match up probably 5% or less and are not customer friendly. As long as people come aboard anyway they can get by with it. I am getting matches from Zoosk. I guess they got me off Facebook. They have the same terms and conditions, I have not subscribed and probably won't. They sent me a match called Bob who had a photo which looked like a female. Anyway, they send me these matches if want to communicate with them I have to subscribe and I do not plan to do so at this time if ever. Maybe finding someone is just not in the cards for me. And so it goes. anonymous ii
Has anyone had any luck on Zoosk. They send me matches because I am on Facebook. However, I have to subscribe (pay money) before I can communicate with anyone. I just wonder how customers friendly they are. They send me a matches comparing traits like religion, whether you single, have children. However, they have taken off questions about your political leanings. Their terms and conditions are the same ( can terminate you for any or no reason). It is real disappointing the way these date sites treat their customers. They are not customer friendly. I guess the think the demand is more than the supply. And they have the power.
anonymous ii
I joined once for a $49-for-3-months or some such, and did make one good friend toward the end of that time. For the next couple of years after that, I simply took advantage of their occasional Free Weekend promotions --- where you try to speed through to open communication with somebody in 2 or 3 days.
I had a woman who was a supposedly computer professional on the other end, and when I got her email, I attempted to joke that my email was from eHarMoney (get it? e-har-MONEY) and that she should send her fee to my Paypal. I also made a lot of joking and punning references to the programming profession that should have been picked up by a true computer professional as not possibly "really" from "eHarMoney" ...
Next day I find I've been terminated with no possible appeal; apparently this woman didn't get my joke and forwarded the email to their team. Admittedly, my email was likely too obscure for the kind of humorless "computer professional" I was trying to filter OUT with such a message. I was sufficiently offended that they don't offer any opportunity to respond or appeal, but in the end analysis I figured I had paid them nothing for years anyway, and I no longer get their spammy appeals to re-join every three days, so I guess we all won.
I am not sure I follow all your computer jokes either. It might have been that eHarmony thought you were trying to make money off her. They are very rigid and probably didn't viewed your emails to her as ajoke.
I remember one telephone dating service saying I could not make any mention of money in my ads. Even if they were jokes. The culture of these dating service is just plum weird. But at least some of them gave me feedback. What I don't like about eHarmony is their secretive and less than open way of dealing with their customers. I think the less again they are involved in your search commenting on your ads or offering you special discounts if you do xyz the less likely they are to terminate someone. I have zero respect for eHarmony.
anonymous 11
Just one final comment. Do not be surprise if any of you who have been let go get an email inviting you to join up (again). I do not think their marketing company who eHarmony probably contracts out keeps in touch with their Risk Management Division. As I have wrtten before I have received emails inviting me to come aboard. If anyone decides to take them up on it don't be surprise if they bump you again. I would be interested to know if anyone has tried it. However, I am not going to, I do not think they are worth it.
i was kicked off eharmony because my ex girlfriend changed my picture and my password. when i called eharmony to figure out the password problem they reset it. i was talking with them on the phone when i typed it in. when the picture came up it was someone else but everything else was the same. They kicked me off because they said i violated their conditions. I told them my ex girlfriend had gotten my password and wanted to get back at me. But eharmony is stupid. they misread their own rules. I didn't violate any of their stupid rules. Go to a different site. They're idiots.
How did you ex girl friend know about your being on eHarmony. And why did she know your password. I think that eHarmony may have been concerned about people signing in on another person account. I have no sympathy for eHarmony. They are a no nonsense dating agency that will drop someone for any reason they wish. But, I find it strange that in a lot of cases. People are kick off because of their relationship with people that they had a relationship with that ended badly. Again, the less you deal with them the better off you are. I do not think they are consistent in how they treat their customers for reasons I have alread written on. If you are going to be on eHarmony try to fly under the radar.
I think one of the most sinister aspect of dealing with eHarmony is the fact that they try to impugne a person's character by saying that they have lied about their age, marital and hint that they might have a criminal record. This wasn't true for me. No where near. I remember the short time I was on their service having some of my matches pulled because they eHarmony claimed that they violated their terms and conditions. The thing is that even when they do that they do not guarantee anyone safety or that the matches are compatible. If you read their terms and conditions they contradict any puffery their marketing deparment makes. Their safety rules are verbatim what you get on any date site or service. It is a bunch of bull but customers buy into that fantasy. And probably less than 5%are successful. And so it goes or doesn't.
I briefly get back on wtih eHarmony and then I close myself out. I passed their stupid personality profile that some get their feeling hurt about if they don't. I keep getting promotions from them they are indeed a fragment corporation with their marking not in sync with their risk management. I might add that some of the reasons listed on here for being let go seem a little bizarre. My experience with them was different. I played by the rules but I think I made one of the reps angry when she was critical of my about me statements. I changed them but complained about her in the feedback they asked for. In addition my former dentist who I immediately closed out probably complained about the quality of the matches he was getting. No one wants to believe that this corporation is nutty. But they are. I keep getting invitiatios and promotion to join. I could have gone ahead with the charade but I knew they might find out who I was if I pay by credit card and sent in a photo. And so I closed them out. So much for dis-harmony.
well, i guess EH was closed my account because iam muslim.
Wow, I was on Tinder and a brother from church recommended eharmony. So I signed up for the promo price and found a few matches. One was from Singapore. And a few days later, they abruptly refunded my money and refused to reactivate my account, while not explaining what happened.
If they were in Malaysia, I would've taken them to court for saying it's a fraud issue :(
I got kicked off for no reason and certainly didn't do anything crazy. I'd never recommend eHarmony to anyone. They had no problem with my money though.
Put them in the past and move on. I think my account was closed because I'm in my mid forties but look 10 years younger so someone incorrectly reported that I didn't list my real age. Maybe it was the woman who wished me luck finding that special someone and I replied that I hoped she did too. Oh well I'm done with online dating anyway.
I know this is an old trend but I just got a similar email from eHARMONY. It's about a guy I met there a while ago. It was one of the promising guys I've met on here and we are at the talking and texting stage but one day he abruptly blocked me in eHarmony, refused to pick my calls/text for like a week then he responded saying he was going through something and he's sorry. I enjoyed talking to him so we started talking/texting again. After about a week, we set a date to meet. He didnt show up and didn't respond to my call/text, at this stage I'm like too much trouble already so I just deleted his number and pushed him out of my mind. I'm very sure something similar happened with someone else and they reported him. Thank God I stopped giving online dating sites my money. I'm happily single now.
???
Who would want to start a relationship with or date someone with emotional problems?? I.m glad eharmony refuses those individuals, it.s a headache waiting to happen.
And You sound like you bugged the hell out of them and are annoying and unstable. I would have totally blocked you!
If I'm understanding the question correctly, instead of asking HOW to behave while dating, it seems like the question is asking a more fundamental question about WHO to date..
Instead of answering this question myself, I would like to just point you to an article: How to Identify Real Dating Site Members btw this article is from Online Dating Security Advisor
I had one as Craig from Houston and this is almost 10 years later than yours.
Good I don't wanna go on a site see a bunch of men dress like women I've seen it already and it pisses me off. They should have their own site. I don't wanna see that shit!
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