Millionaire Matchmaker

Has anyone else seen that “Millionaire Matchmaker” show on Bravo? New episodes air on Tuesday nights at 10 PM Eastern Time, but they rerun it throughout the week. The matchmaker in question, Patti Stanger, is a third-generation matchmaker who used to be the director of marketing for Great Expectations, “the largest and oldest dating service in the U.S.,” according to Bravo’s web site. She has long black hair and an intense air about her, and she doesn’t smile much, probably because she takes her calling so seriously. “I really feel like I’m in service to God,” she earnestly said at one point. (And hers is probably the most lucrative service to God there is!)

The series takes place in Los Angeles. There are apparently a lot of millionaire men in L.A. who can’t find the woman of their dreams -- probably because the woman of their dreams is a twenty-something model with Einstein’s brain. But have *you* ever tried telling a millionaire he can’t have exactly what he wants?

In the last episode I caught, three guys were seeking Patti’s “service to God”: Peter, a 46-year-old who got rich doing something dull but who also makes money teaching and selling instructional videos about Qi Gong, defined by Wikipedia as “an aspect of traditional Chinese medicine, some forms of which involve the coordination of different breathing patterns with various physical postures and motions of the body.” He claimed he wanted a woman who was at least 30 years old, smart and spiritual, and NO models or actresses (!). For a while there, I thought Patti was going to ask him out herself!

The other two guys, Tai and German (pronounced Her-MAHN), had been best friends and business partners since college, live in a mansion together, and swore they weren’t gay. ;) I actually liked them more than I’ve liked any other millionaire I’ve seen on the show, maybe because they were younger than most of them (31), so they were more playful and less intense about the whole thing. Ironically, despite ideally wanting to meet women who were sisters or best friends so that they could do everything together, neither of them gave off a gay vibe, which is more than I can say for some other guys who’ve appeared on the show.

Patti threw a party on a boat with 30 or so women she and her staff had hand-picked as potential matches for either Peter, Tai or German. I don’t like that part of the show. It makes me feel like the men are at a horse show or something, examining each woman to judge the best specimen. Tai and German were driving Patti crazy because they would NOT split up and talk to women separately, even though Patti kept trying to make them. Peter was also annoying her, because instead of talking to the mature, spiritual, smart (but still gorgeous, of course) 30-somethings she’d brought on the boat for him, he was chatting up the 20-something model/actresses he’d specifically said he didn’t want!

In the end, they each got to pick one women to go on a date with, and Peter picked a 20-something model/actress from the South who was sweet and friendly, but didn’t have a lot going on upstairs. Naturally, their date was an unintentionally hilarious disaster. At one point, Peter talked about how he donated a significant amount of his money to feed, like, 20,000 hungry families, and the woman actually said, “Yeah, uh-huh. Well, I’ve been trying to cut back on carbs.” !!!

Meanwhile, Tai and German insisted on going on a double date, which may not have been the best move. When the limo pulled up at their place with their dates, they showed up with no shirts on. It was pretty funny, actually, and of course they were only joking and put shirts on before they went on the date. But as Patti said later, that set a tone that they were fooling around and not taking their search for love seriously. They went dancing and then had dinner. German’s date was going well, and the more he touched and cuddled with his date, the more Tai did – only his date wasn’t nearly as into him, and she could tell Tai was being all touchy-feely to keep up with German. In the end, Patti told them they’ll have to – gasp! -- date solo in the future.

Interestingly, Patti’s parents were visiting during this episode. Her mom, a retired matchmaker, asked how her boyfriend was, and Patti admitted she doesn’t have enough time for him since she’s working 24/7 trying to find love for “her millionaires.”

“You never listened to me!” her mom teased her.

“I know, I know – if I had, I’d be married with a gazillion kids right now,” she said with a sigh. “But I always went for the bad boys.”

I guess even growing up with a matchmaker mom and being one yourself still doesn’t guarantee love.