Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners

Great news for those of us who may not make the most scintillating first dates! On the Dating Amy web site (http://www.DatingAmy.com), I found a link to this article by LiveScience entitled “Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners” (http://www.livescience.com/health/080212-dating-success.html). Popular people tend to be well-liked because they are social chameleons who are very good at self-monitoring – “they screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them,” so they make quite satisfying dates. But high self-monitors have trouble turning this self-monitoring off, “avoiding face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure….They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships."

According to the article, “low self-monitors — people who are the least concerned with social appropriateness and are unlikely to mask their feelings or opinions to avoid confrontation or preserve their self-image — are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships.” The article did note, however, that this awkwardness comes with a price, “because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things” to their partners.

Makes sense, I guess. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who just told me what I wanted to hear all the time and who was so afraid of upsetting me, he could never be completely honest with me. On the other hand, hearing “blunt and hurtful things” all the time wouldn’t be much fun, either! That’s why moderation, according to the article, is key.

In any event, only 97 single adults were surveyed in this study, and their boyfriends/girlfriends were *not* surveyed, which would have made for a more informative study, in my opinion.