Imagine getting paid to date. Just go out on a date, no sex involved. Well, you can, according to Emily Brady's article, "See Dick Pay Jane: Chaste Dating for Cash," in the May 26th Village Voice (http://www.villagevoice.com/2009-05-27/news/see-dick-pay-jane-chaste-dating-for-cash/). Several months ago, a few enterprising young women figured out that men would actually pay for the opportunity simply to have a date -- someone to go out to dinner with, or take to a ball game. They founded Austen's Janes Agency (http://austensjanes.com) to fill this void. As the article states, "For $60 an hour, the agency arranges for a smart young woman to accompany you, laugh at your jokes, and make you feel interesting and special. It may sound like just another escort service—with additional sex services available by negotiation—but it's not. The women who set up the agency are adamant about this, and they spell it out on their website: 'If there are any attempts at sexual activity, the girl has the right to end the date immediately.'"
I can relate to the reasoning behind the 26-year-old unemployed women who started the agency. As one of them put it, "I've been on so many bad dates, it was kind of a joke because it felt like work sometimes. You might as well get paid for it."
Why would men pay for this? One married guy just got a rush from pretending to have an affair -- paying a woman for her time and her dinner was as close to an affair as he actually wanted to get. Half the guys are foreign-born, and some of them haven't had any success yet on the on-line dating sites, so this fills the void for now. And other men apparently just enjoy the occasional platonic afternoon or evening with a pretty woman, no strings attached.
Getting paid to date -- now why didn't I think of that? I could've retired by now. ;)
June 22, 2009
June 14, 2009
Maybe they're just not that into you
Sean McGinn, a man from my 'hood (Brooklyn), is suing Match.com (http://www.match.com) for $5 million because women he contacted didn't write him back. According to this article, "N.Y.C. Man Sues Match.Com for Cyberspace ‘Bait and Switch’" on AttorneyAtLaw.com (http://www.attorneyatlaw.com/2009/06/nyc-man-sues-matchcom-for-cyberspace-bait-and-switch/), this man believes the site shouldn't list non-paying singles' profiles and photos, since they can't respond to his e-mails and winks, and therefore he gets his feelings hurt. As the article explains, "In his lawsuit, filed in a New York federal court, McGinn said he suffered 'humiliation and disappointment' when women he tried to contact through Match.com did not respond to his cyber-advances."
Hey, I feel your pain, buddy -- try being a woman older than 34 on the site. The last time I was on, I wrote to over 30 guys in a month and got about 2 responses. But I don't necessarily agree that Match is being "deceitful," as McGinn claims. I mean, when you sign up, they tell you about the free trial and not having to pay, but they make it clear if you don't pay, you can't read e-mails or respond to them. Did McGinn think that offer only applied to him? Like any smart business, Match tries to lure you in so you end up becoming a paid subscriber. Yes, it can be painful when people don't write you back -- but $5 million worth of pain?? Grow a thicker skin, man!
And I must give credit where credit is due: I did meet the Nicest Guy in the World on Match (it just took me an embarrassingly long time to realize we should be dating. :)
Hey, I feel your pain, buddy -- try being a woman older than 34 on the site. The last time I was on, I wrote to over 30 guys in a month and got about 2 responses. But I don't necessarily agree that Match is being "deceitful," as McGinn claims. I mean, when you sign up, they tell you about the free trial and not having to pay, but they make it clear if you don't pay, you can't read e-mails or respond to them. Did McGinn think that offer only applied to him? Like any smart business, Match tries to lure you in so you end up becoming a paid subscriber. Yes, it can be painful when people don't write you back -- but $5 million worth of pain?? Grow a thicker skin, man!
And I must give credit where credit is due: I did meet the Nicest Guy in the World on Match (it just took me an embarrassingly long time to realize we should be dating. :)
May 3, 2009
Lies men tell on the first date
Here's an article from Cosmo by Gregory Gilderman, "Dating 101: First-Date Red Flags," about lies that guys tell on the first date (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88111/dating-101-first-date-red-flags). They include "I never move this fast on a first date"; "I'll call you" (I certainly heard that lie a lot!); "I'm between jobs"; and "I've never had a serious girlfriend." Apparently, "I'm between jobs" can mean "I'm unemployed because I have no direction in life." But speaking as an underemployed person, I think you have to cut people some slack on that one in this economy!
I was most intrigued by "I've never had a serious girlfriend." I don't think I've ever had a guy say that to me on the first date. Wouldn't they be afraid I'd think something was wrong with them? Not according to Gilderman -- he writes that some guys say that, even if they HAVE had a serious girlfriend, as "a sly way of admitting he can't commit" -- or doesn't want to commit.
I was most intrigued by "I've never had a serious girlfriend." I don't think I've ever had a guy say that to me on the first date. Wouldn't they be afraid I'd think something was wrong with them? Not according to Gilderman -- he writes that some guys say that, even if they HAVE had a serious girlfriend, as "a sly way of admitting he can't commit" -- or doesn't want to commit.
April 19, 2009
Rich men, young women
The NY Times had an article in their Magazine section on April 12th by Ruth Padawer, "Keeping Up With Being Kept" (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/12/magazine/12sugardaddies-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&sq=Seeking%20Arrangement&st=cse&scp=2) about this web site called Seeking Arrangement (http://www.SeekingArrangement.com), a site that hooks up financially strapped young women with sugar daddies -- and it has 300,000 registered subscribers. Examples include "the 18-year-old from France asking for $5,000 to $10,000 a month from 'a mentor who can provide me with the finer things in life and keep me happy!' And the 49-year-old investor from upstate New York willing to pay $5,000 a month for a 'daytime playmate' for 'intense connection without commitment.'" Many of the women are looking for money for college. It's depressing that college has gotten so expensive that some women feel they have to resort to this.
The most interesting part was how some of the members interviewed tried to justify their relationships. To me, it sounds like prostitution -- the men may claim they're paying for "companionship," but you know that means sex. But some of the women "say being a sugar baby is no more an occupation than dating is, especially when the goal of dating is to find a rich boyfriend or a wealthy husband. They routinely turn down creeps interested in nothing but sex. Some sugar babies also insist that wives who stay in miserable marriages for an American Express black card, mansion or country-club membership are more like prostitutes than they are."
But the difference is, a woman and her rich boyfriend or wealthy husband either are in love or hopefully were at some point! They didn't enter into their relationship strictly for the money, but because they actually cared about each other. And that makes all the difference in the world.
The most interesting part was how some of the members interviewed tried to justify their relationships. To me, it sounds like prostitution -- the men may claim they're paying for "companionship," but you know that means sex. But some of the women "say being a sugar baby is no more an occupation than dating is, especially when the goal of dating is to find a rich boyfriend or a wealthy husband. They routinely turn down creeps interested in nothing but sex. Some sugar babies also insist that wives who stay in miserable marriages for an American Express black card, mansion or country-club membership are more like prostitutes than they are."
But the difference is, a woman and her rich boyfriend or wealthy husband either are in love or hopefully were at some point! They didn't enter into their relationship strictly for the money, but because they actually cared about each other. And that makes all the difference in the world.
March 31, 2009
I love you, you cute inanimate object, you!
Is it possible to fall in love not with a person, but with an object? Apparently so, according to a British documentary called "The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower," which is about "objectum sexual" -- women who fall in love and have intimate relationships with buildings, bridges, and other objects. These women say they find their love affairs with these objects just as rewarding as other people find their relationships with human beings. I'm sure none of these objects leave the toilet seat up, but other than that I don't see how a relationship with an inanimate object could be satisfying! Sadly, most of the women have histories of abuse, which explains why objects are "safe" for them to have relationships with. And about half of them have Asperger Syndrome, a type of high-functioning autism characterized by above-average intelligence and verbal ability, but low social skills.
One woman is so in love with a stereo system she calls Jake that she communicates with "him" by making love to him twice a day (!). Another woman fell in love with the Berlin Wall (it had to hurt when that came down). And the woman who inspired the documentary's title is so in love with the Eiffel Tower that she married it last year. Yes. She married it. It's not a legally recognized marriage, of course, but she had a ceremony and everything. She even changed her last name to Eiffel.
Here's an article: http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html
Here's a blog post about it: http://www.strangeharvest.com/mt/archive/blog/married_to_the_eiffe.php
And P.S. over the weekend I received my very first check from Google for this blog, for $123.62! So, thank you to everyone who has ever clicked on an ad!! :)
One woman is so in love with a stereo system she calls Jake that she communicates with "him" by making love to him twice a day (!). Another woman fell in love with the Berlin Wall (it had to hurt when that came down). And the woman who inspired the documentary's title is so in love with the Eiffel Tower that she married it last year. Yes. She married it. It's not a legally recognized marriage, of course, but she had a ceremony and everything. She even changed her last name to Eiffel.
Here's an article: http://www.independent.co.uk/extras/sunday-review/living/i-married-the-eiffel-tower-832519.html
Here's a blog post about it: http://www.strangeharvest.com/mt/archive/blog/married_to_the_eiffe.php
And P.S. over the weekend I received my very first check from Google for this blog, for $123.62! So, thank you to everyone who has ever clicked on an ad!! :)
March 18, 2009
Meeting people in the physical (not on-line) world
Want to go back to meeting people the old-fashioned way? Um...what IS the old-fashioned way? Lisa Steadman's article, "Dating 101: Debunking the Scarcity Myth," (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/86374/dating-101-debunking-the-scarcity-myth) is a great read if you've been feeling trapped behind a keyboard lately, or if you cannot bear to read one more on-line profile. Steadman gives you a plan on how to meet people who are physically all around you, as opposed to (or in addition to) on-line. During the first week, she advises you to make eye contact with one stranger you find attractive, every day, whether it's on the subway, waiting on line at the supermarket, wherever. For the second week, both make eye contact and smile. In the third week, make eye contact, smile, AND make small talk. She also suggests activities to do once a week that will allow you to shake things up and possibly meet new people. It does sound kind of nerve-wracking, but also a good change of pace from the on-line dating routine.
As always, for non-dating related posts feel free to visit my other blog at http://HerArtichokeHeart.blogspot.com !
As always, for non-dating related posts feel free to visit my other blog at http://HerArtichokeHeart.blogspot.com !
March 8, 2009
Five Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious
Just spotted an interesting article on Yahoo Personals by Mina Azodi called "Dating 101: Five Traits A Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious" (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24236/dating-101-five-traits-a-guy-should-have-before-you-get-serious).
According to Azodi, the traits are:
1) He knows what he wants (so you can tell early on if your long-term plans and goals are compatible).
2) He has a sunny outlook (one study found that how optimistic a man was determined the relationship's "staying power") and can make you laugh.
3) He's open to changing for you.
4) He's still a little mysterious.
5) He's responsible with money.
The third one surprised me because, as people always say, you can't change someone. But the rest of that statement really should be, you can't change someone unless THEY want to change. Azodi writes, "Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time...A man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you."
According to Azodi, the traits are:
1) He knows what he wants (so you can tell early on if your long-term plans and goals are compatible).
2) He has a sunny outlook (one study found that how optimistic a man was determined the relationship's "staying power") and can make you laugh.
3) He's open to changing for you.
4) He's still a little mysterious.
5) He's responsible with money.
The third one surprised me because, as people always say, you can't change someone. But the rest of that statement really should be, you can't change someone unless THEY want to change. Azodi writes, "Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time...A man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you."
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