One thing that always bothered me about giving my money to eHarmony for a subscription was that it refused to match gays and lesbians. But that era is now SO OVER, thanks to New Jersey resident Eric McKinley and New Jersey's Civil Rights Division! As the Associated Press article, "eHarmony Agrees to Provide Same-Sex Matches" (http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/business/AP-eHarmony-Gays.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss) explains, when McKinley tried to join eHarmony in 2005, he couldn't get past the first screen because "men seeking men" wasn't listed as an option. He filed a complaint against eHarmony with New Jersey's Division on Civil Rights (part of the state's attorney general's office) -- and eHarmony has finally agreed to settle! As this longer L.A. Times article by David Colker (http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-eharmony20-2008nov20,0,1772906.story) states, not only will eHarmony launch a new same-sex matching site called Compatible Partners (http://www.compatiblepartners.net/) by March 31, 2009, they "also must give the first 10,000 same-sex registrants a free six-month subscription. 'That was one of the things I asked for,' said Eric McKinley."
The Associated Press article also says eHarmony has been the target of lawsuits before, including others who alleged discrimination against gays and lesbians. In addition, it says that a California man "sued eHarmony in 2005 for refusing to help him find a date. The company said there was one good reason for that: He was still married. That case was dropped on the eve of trial."
Ha! Can you imagine being married to THAT guy? "Honey, I've decided to sue eHarmony because they won't let me find a mistress." Talk about nerve!
November 24, 2008
November 20, 2008
Long Island Grad Student met someone else
To recap: I had what seemed like a great date with Long Island Grad Student (who I met on eHarmony, http://www.eharmony.com/) a week and a half ago. I e-mailed him the next day to thank him, he e-mailed me back a day later, I e-mailed him the day after that, and then -- silence.
Until today.
He made small talk in the beginning of the e-mail before writing:
"I've really appreciated getting to know you a bit. You seem like a genuine and kind woman. So I want to be up-front with you about something, because it's definitely affecting my communication lately. I have found myself interested in someone -- actually someone in my 'real' life, not an online someone, but an old friend. Came recently and out of the blue and at their initiation. I don't know where it's going to lead, but it is definitely taking up a lot of my head and heart space, and is definitely affecting my ability to invest in other relationships at this point. I think it would be entirely unfair NOT to share this with you. I certainly don't expect you to 'wait around' for me to see where this is going to lead -- but I just can't give what a budding friendship/relationship deserves. The timing just isn't great for me right now. I'm sorry. I hope you understand. It seems sucky to suggest to put things on hold until I can see where things will lead with this person, but at this point, that's all I have to offer. So, let me know your thoughts. At any rate, as we haven't touched base in some time, I do hope you are doing well. I'm so sorry to spring this on you -- it's quite taken me by surprise, as well. Take care! Write when you can...Long Island Grad Student"
At least he let me know, and was really nice about it, too. Timing is everything, isn't it?
In other news, IT Guy (also known in my mind as "Eye Infection Guy") and I are FINALLY going to meet in person next Monday. He's funny -- in his last e-mail to me he wrote, "Curiousity is killing me...I think I have to meet you soon!" Should be interesting.
Until today.
He made small talk in the beginning of the e-mail before writing:
"I've really appreciated getting to know you a bit. You seem like a genuine and kind woman. So I want to be up-front with you about something, because it's definitely affecting my communication lately. I have found myself interested in someone -- actually someone in my 'real' life, not an online someone, but an old friend. Came recently and out of the blue and at their initiation. I don't know where it's going to lead, but it is definitely taking up a lot of my head and heart space, and is definitely affecting my ability to invest in other relationships at this point. I think it would be entirely unfair NOT to share this with you. I certainly don't expect you to 'wait around' for me to see where this is going to lead -- but I just can't give what a budding friendship/relationship deserves. The timing just isn't great for me right now. I'm sorry. I hope you understand. It seems sucky to suggest to put things on hold until I can see where things will lead with this person, but at this point, that's all I have to offer. So, let me know your thoughts. At any rate, as we haven't touched base in some time, I do hope you are doing well. I'm so sorry to spring this on you -- it's quite taken me by surprise, as well. Take care! Write when you can...Long Island Grad Student"
At least he let me know, and was really nice about it, too. Timing is everything, isn't it?
In other news, IT Guy (also known in my mind as "Eye Infection Guy") and I are FINALLY going to meet in person next Monday. He's funny -- in his last e-mail to me he wrote, "Curiousity is killing me...I think I have to meet you soon!" Should be interesting.
November 18, 2008
Two eHarmony guys down, one more to go...
I guess my enjoyable first date with Long Island Grad Student (from eHarmony: http://www.eharmony.com/) was actually my only date with him, since I e-mailed him last Wednesday and never heard back. Oh well.
I finally met New Jersey Journalist (also from eHarmony) for lunch one day last week. This is going to sound completely and utterly shallow, but I found him -- weird-looking. Seriously, the parts of his body seemed disproportionate to each other, as if he'd been put together from the head, torso, and limbs from six different men of six different sizes. It was very strange.
Anyway, he was nice enough, but even if I'd been physically attracted to him, I don't think he would've done it for me. Also, he was the first guy in a long time who didn't take the check as soon as the waiter put it down. Nope, not at all. He was totally fine with me looking it over, pulling out my wallet, and paying for my own lunch. I know he's a journalist, not some rich guy -- but he also knew that I am underemployed and receiving unemployment benefits right now. It would've been really nice if he'd picked up the tab.
Of course, only a few hours later he wrote me an enthusiastic e-mail about what a good time he'd had and how we should do it again sometime. But I just wasn't feeling it. Plus, I'm sorry, but we'd each have to pack our own meals and have a winter picnic or something, because I can't afford to go out to restaurants regularly right now unless he'd be willing to treat me.
Meanwhile, remember IT Guy, also from eHarmony? We were supposed to meet for coffee back on Oct. 23, but he cancelled at the last minute due to an eye infection. We talked on the phone that night, and he promised to text me the following week about re-scheduling. Except he never did, and I never heard from him again -- until this past Saturday, when he e-mailed me out of the blue about getting together on Sunday. I already had plans, but we might meet up this weekend instead. I'll believe it when it happens!
I finally met New Jersey Journalist (also from eHarmony) for lunch one day last week. This is going to sound completely and utterly shallow, but I found him -- weird-looking. Seriously, the parts of his body seemed disproportionate to each other, as if he'd been put together from the head, torso, and limbs from six different men of six different sizes. It was very strange.
Anyway, he was nice enough, but even if I'd been physically attracted to him, I don't think he would've done it for me. Also, he was the first guy in a long time who didn't take the check as soon as the waiter put it down. Nope, not at all. He was totally fine with me looking it over, pulling out my wallet, and paying for my own lunch. I know he's a journalist, not some rich guy -- but he also knew that I am underemployed and receiving unemployment benefits right now. It would've been really nice if he'd picked up the tab.
Of course, only a few hours later he wrote me an enthusiastic e-mail about what a good time he'd had and how we should do it again sometime. But I just wasn't feeling it. Plus, I'm sorry, but we'd each have to pack our own meals and have a winter picnic or something, because I can't afford to go out to restaurants regularly right now unless he'd be willing to treat me.
Meanwhile, remember IT Guy, also from eHarmony? We were supposed to meet for coffee back on Oct. 23, but he cancelled at the last minute due to an eye infection. We talked on the phone that night, and he promised to text me the following week about re-scheduling. Except he never did, and I never heard from him again -- until this past Saturday, when he e-mailed me out of the blue about getting together on Sunday. I already had plans, but we might meet up this weekend instead. I'll believe it when it happens!
November 15, 2008
Long Island Grad Student: maybe not so into me
On Monday night I e-mailed Long Island Grad Student, who I met on eHarmony (http://www.eHarmony.com). I said I had a nice time meeting him on Sunday. I asked if his drive home Sunday night was okay, if he got home in time to catch the Giants game, and if he had off from school for Veterans' Day. I also wrote that I had essays to grade but that I kept procrastinating about grading them.
On Tuesday night, he wrote back:
"Hey, Dating Guru - same here! Got back for the 2nd half - a rousing Giants victory....
On Tuesday night, he wrote back:
"Hey, Dating Guru - same here! Got back for the 2nd half - a rousing Giants victory....
No, we've had soooo many days off - but not Veteran's Day. What's up with that?
Tonight: sew pants!
Hope grading was good times,
Long Island Grad Student"
That was it. Short, with no mention of a possible second date. Confusing. So on Wednesday night, I wrote him back. But now it's Friday night, and I still haven't heard from him.
Hope grading was good times,
Long Island Grad Student"
That was it. Short, with no mention of a possible second date. Confusing. So on Wednesday night, I wrote him back. But now it's Friday night, and I still haven't heard from him.
November 10, 2008
I actually liked Long Island Grad Student (!)
The day after I wrote my irritated post on Nov. 7th wondering why my eHarmony guys (http://www.eharmony.com/) only seemed to want to be penpals, both Long Island Grad Student AND New Jersey Journalist got back to me with concrete plans to meet! The moral: complaining affects the universe??
So, at a coffee shop yesterday I met Long Island Grad Student, who’s 32 and getting his master’s in public health. Very nice, smart, funny, a good listener. He has moved around a bit: Pittsburgh, Vermont, even Buffalo, where my mom grew up and where I still have relatives. On everyone’s eHarmony profile, there’s a part at the end that says, “Is there anything else you’d like your potential dates to know?” or something like that. That’s where I wrote that I’m interested in adopting a child one day. (It’s also where I put “no Republicans, please!”)
As we talked yesterday, LI Grad Student said, “I think I mentioned this to you in an e-mail, but I really liked what you wrote in your profile about wanting to adopt a child someday,” and he asked me why I wanted to. I explained that I’ve just always known, ever since I was a teenager, that I’m supposed to adopt older kids. “It’s almost like a calling,” I added. I was just wondering if the term “calling” had sounded too pretentious when he surprised me by saying, “Me, too. Especially with all the overpopulation in the world, I’ve always thought, why make a kid when there are so many already here who need parents? Ever since elementary school, I’ve thought about it.”
I was shocked. I told him how guys in general don’t seem as open to the idea of adoption as women. I’ve read a lot of personal stories by women who have adopted, and in many cases the husbands were really not too enthused at first and had to be convinced. “Men seem to want to spread their seed,” I said.
LI Grad Student laughed and said, "Well, I have to admit, in the past couple of years I’ve thought it might be nice to have one biological kid. But I do still want to adopt.” He said a good friend and his wife adopted three kids from Colombia at the ages of three, four, and six, and she got unexpectedly pregnant one year later (!). So it was a real instant family, but it's all working out well for them.
We drank hot chocolate and talked for about an hour and a half. Then he had to go because he’d promised he’d get back to LI in time to watch the football game with his dad. As we walked out of the coffee shop, he said he’d had a good time and asked shyly. “Could I call you sometime?” I said yes, and we were saying our goodbyes when he got a strange look on his face and said. “I think I’m going to totally embarrass myself right now, but I have to ask you a question.”
“What?” I couldn’t imagine what he was going to say.
He lowered his voice and said, “If I turn around, can you tell me if my pants have split?” He turned around, and sure enough, his pants had TOTALLY split, right across the butt – I could see his underwear! I tried not to laugh as I explained the situation and asked, “Do you feel a draft?”
“Oh, big time.”
“It’s too bad you didn’t bring a jacket,” I said.
“Or an extra set of pants,” he sighed. ;) But at least he’d driven in, so he could just slide into his car and drive home rather than stand on a subway or a Long Island Rail Road train with no way to disguise it!
So, at a coffee shop yesterday I met Long Island Grad Student, who’s 32 and getting his master’s in public health. Very nice, smart, funny, a good listener. He has moved around a bit: Pittsburgh, Vermont, even Buffalo, where my mom grew up and where I still have relatives. On everyone’s eHarmony profile, there’s a part at the end that says, “Is there anything else you’d like your potential dates to know?” or something like that. That’s where I wrote that I’m interested in adopting a child one day. (It’s also where I put “no Republicans, please!”)
As we talked yesterday, LI Grad Student said, “I think I mentioned this to you in an e-mail, but I really liked what you wrote in your profile about wanting to adopt a child someday,” and he asked me why I wanted to. I explained that I’ve just always known, ever since I was a teenager, that I’m supposed to adopt older kids. “It’s almost like a calling,” I added. I was just wondering if the term “calling” had sounded too pretentious when he surprised me by saying, “Me, too. Especially with all the overpopulation in the world, I’ve always thought, why make a kid when there are so many already here who need parents? Ever since elementary school, I’ve thought about it.”
I was shocked. I told him how guys in general don’t seem as open to the idea of adoption as women. I’ve read a lot of personal stories by women who have adopted, and in many cases the husbands were really not too enthused at first and had to be convinced. “Men seem to want to spread their seed,” I said.
LI Grad Student laughed and said, "Well, I have to admit, in the past couple of years I’ve thought it might be nice to have one biological kid. But I do still want to adopt.” He said a good friend and his wife adopted three kids from Colombia at the ages of three, four, and six, and she got unexpectedly pregnant one year later (!). So it was a real instant family, but it's all working out well for them.
We drank hot chocolate and talked for about an hour and a half. Then he had to go because he’d promised he’d get back to LI in time to watch the football game with his dad. As we walked out of the coffee shop, he said he’d had a good time and asked shyly. “Could I call you sometime?” I said yes, and we were saying our goodbyes when he got a strange look on his face and said. “I think I’m going to totally embarrass myself right now, but I have to ask you a question.”
“What?” I couldn’t imagine what he was going to say.
He lowered his voice and said, “If I turn around, can you tell me if my pants have split?” He turned around, and sure enough, his pants had TOTALLY split, right across the butt – I could see his underwear! I tried not to laugh as I explained the situation and asked, “Do you feel a draft?”
“Oh, big time.”
“It’s too bad you didn’t bring a jacket,” I said.
“Or an extra set of pants,” he sighed. ;) But at least he’d driven in, so he could just slide into his car and drive home rather than stand on a subway or a Long Island Rail Road train with no way to disguise it!
November 9, 2008
My dream date with Barack Obama
On Friday night, I dreamed I was on a date with Barack Obama. We were at a restaurant, talking and laughing and having so much fun! At one point he talked about a trip he was taking in the near future. When I told him I hoped he had a good time, he grinned, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down, "You're coming, too!"
But it was bittersweet, because despite the fact that we were on a date, he was already married -- not to Michelle, but to some woman named Kathy who had been his high school sweetheart. And Kathy was nine months pregnant. (!) He talked about her a little, and I got the feeling that although he loved her, he sort of regretted getting married so soon. But he felt they'd had to because she was pregnant. (Yeah, our ages were all screwed up in this dream, but it made sense at the time....)
Then I woke up. Even though it was sad that we couldn't be together, our date was still amazing. There was such chemistry between us!
But it was bittersweet, because despite the fact that we were on a date, he was already married -- not to Michelle, but to some woman named Kathy who had been his high school sweetheart. And Kathy was nine months pregnant. (!) He talked about her a little, and I got the feeling that although he loved her, he sort of regretted getting married so soon. But he felt they'd had to because she was pregnant. (Yeah, our ages were all screwed up in this dream, but it made sense at the time....)
Then I woke up. Even though it was sad that we couldn't be together, our date was still amazing. There was such chemistry between us!
November 7, 2008
Why do men just want to be pen-pals?
I'm sorry I've taken over a week to write a new post, but argh! Men! After he cancelled on me with one hour's notice due to an alleged eye infection, I had a nice talk with IT Guy (from eHarmony: http://www.eharmony.com) on the phone -- but then he never contacted me again to re-schedule. And what kind of an excuse is an eye infection, anyway? I mean, don't you know you have one when you wake up in the morning? So why wait until only an hour before our date to cancel? Maybe he actually has one of those social anxiety disorders where he's afraid to date in person.
Then there's New Jersey Journalist (also from eHarmony). We'd been e-mailing for weeks, I finally suggested getting together, he said he'd have this whole week off from work so maybe we could get together then. I e-mailed him in agreement and suggested we meet for lunch in the city one day. Instead of e-mailing me back a day later, like he always had before, he waited four days -- and the part about actually scheduling a date was the only part of my e-mail he didn't respond to! Do these men really want to meet, or do they just want an e-mail pen pal?
There's a GREAT speed-dating event happening next week through New York Easy Dates (http://www.nyeasydates.com) that I would totally attend if I weren't already taking a class that night. It's called "Speed-Daters Celebrating Obama!" :) It's taking place in Manhattan next Wed. 11/12 at 7:30 PM for men and women in their 20s and 30s who voted for President-Elect Obama. Ah, President-Elect Obama. I just love typing those words. :) :) You can find the details at: https://www.nyeasydates.com/new_york/events/815/event_details.html
It costs $30. If you go, let me know how it is!
Then there's New Jersey Journalist (also from eHarmony). We'd been e-mailing for weeks, I finally suggested getting together, he said he'd have this whole week off from work so maybe we could get together then. I e-mailed him in agreement and suggested we meet for lunch in the city one day. Instead of e-mailing me back a day later, like he always had before, he waited four days -- and the part about actually scheduling a date was the only part of my e-mail he didn't respond to! Do these men really want to meet, or do they just want an e-mail pen pal?
There's a GREAT speed-dating event happening next week through New York Easy Dates (http://www.nyeasydates.com) that I would totally attend if I weren't already taking a class that night. It's called "Speed-Daters Celebrating Obama!" :) It's taking place in Manhattan next Wed. 11/12 at 7:30 PM for men and women in their 20s and 30s who voted for President-Elect Obama. Ah, President-Elect Obama. I just love typing those words. :) :) You can find the details at: https://www.nyeasydates.com/new_york/events/815/event_details.html
It costs $30. If you go, let me know how it is!
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