Grant proposals & marriage proposals

It was bound to happen: I just learned that a guy I dated last year (well, had one date with) got engaged. He posted it on his blog. My first reaction was, how can he possibly be engaged – I just had a date with him! But then I thought back and realized, oh, right, our first and only date was way back at the beginning of February 2007. Time sure flies.

I still feel guilty about how things ended with him. We had the one dinner date, and even though he was a Republican (!), it seemed to go well. He wanted to go out again, but February and March were insanely busy for me at work, and I just could never get it together. Then his birthday was at the beginning of March. Originally he’d planned to be away. But when his trip got cancelled the week before, I e-mailed him on Friday offering to go out with him on his birthday, which was the following Tuesday.

I didn’t hear back from him, things got even more crazed at work, so on Monday I e-mailed him, apologizing profusely and explaining I might have to cancel, depending on whether I got a grant proposal finished in time – I was right up against a deadline. He wrote back later that night and said to keep him posted. But I had to e-mail him the next day, apologizing profusely AGAIN, but there was no way I’d get out of the office anywhere close to on time. The grant proposal had to be finished. I offered to take him out the following week instead to make it up to him. He e-mailed me back that night, and he said he “wasn’t sure” about next week but would have a better idea on Thursday or Friday, and he signed it “keep in touch.” The tone of the e-mail was rather curt, but what did I expect, I let the guy down on his birthday! I felt really bad. :( I received an Easter E-Card from him a month later and I wrote him back, but that was the last I heard from him directly.

But it all worked out for him, because apparently he met the woman of his dreams. I clicked on his blog today and read that he just proposed and she said yes! I met him through Match.com (http://www.match.com/), so I wonder if he met his fiancée there, too? Well, if you’re reading this, Engaged Man, congratulations and best wishes! Your success gives hope to us all. :)

Niche dating; scary marriage dream

Interesting article in Tango (http://www.tangomag.com/200611/seven-heaven.html) about some niche dating sites that have popped up over the past few years. Maybe I should try Single Booklovers (http://www.SingleBooklovers.com). There’s also Date a Golfer (http://www.DateAGolfer.com); Mango Tree, for people looking to find a vacation travel partner (http://www.Mango-Tree.com); Sugar Daddie (http://www.SugarDaddie.com), if you’re looking to meet a rich guy (and who isn’t?); A Sound Match (http://www.ASoundMatch.com), where you can make sure you and your prospective date have similar tastes in music; Tattooed Singles (http://www.TattooedSingles.com); and Consumating (http://www.consumating.com), which “lets you search profiles for any and all interests—for example, 23 members really like ferrets.”

I had a disturbing dream last night that I was engaged, had just had my bridal shower, and suddenly I realized I did NOT want to go through with it. I just didn’t want to marry whoever it was (some guy I don’t know in real life), and I was petrified that doing so would be a huge mistake. I was sitting in my old house where I grew up in NJ, surrounded by all these gifts, and everyone was gone except for one friend. I tried talking to my friend about my sinking feeling that I should NOT marry this guy. I thought of all the things that I would have to cancel: the photographer, the D.J., the flowers. “I guess I would have to send back all these gifts,” I added. I like to think I’m not that materialistic, but in the dream one of the things worrying me the most was parting with all of my bridal shower presents! I felt so trapped. I sure was glad to wake up.

Weddings

I was the maid of honor in my friend’s wedding over the weekend. We had perfect weather for an outdoor wedding. The ceremony was beautiful, and the reception was so much fun. Good times. It’s amazing how quickly it goes by, though. All the planning and coordination and details -- and several hours later, it’s over. Which is fine, but it’s similar to that after-Christmas feeling -- all that build-up and eager anticipation, and it’s over already!? Just one more reason to pick the person you marry very carefully, I guess. The wedding is one thing, but then you have to wake up with each other every morning for the rest of your lives, so you’d better choose someone you’re happy and excited to see all the time, or at least most of the time, and who feels the same way about you. It’s a tall order.

So, to mix it up a bit, last week I went to my first speed-dating event in several months, through Hurry Date (http://www.hurrydate.com/). I sucked! I didn’t act any differently than I normally do, but out of ten guys, only one picked me. Yep. ONE. That’s an all-time low for me! Fortunately it was a mutual match, as I’d chosen him, too. He’s eleven years older than I am, but he had a nice smile and seemed friendly, and he actually has a good job in finance, which is a refreshing change of pace. (Guys who like me tend to have low-paying jobs that they don’t enjoy.) He did seem a bit business-like about the whole event, like he was on a job interview or something, but maybe he was just getting warmed up – he was my first “date” of the evening. He e-mailed me over the weekend, and we’ll probably meet for drinks sometime next week. Oh, I hope he’s not a Republican....

But I still like Mr. No Touchy-Feely and the Nicest Guy in the World. Mr. No Touchy-Feely left me a voicemail on Thursday night five minutes after I’d shut off my phone to go to bed, and I left him a voicemail on Friday. I also e-mailed him this morning. And I’m getting together with the Nicest Guy in the World on Saturday, which should be fun!

Comment from a friend on Compromising vs. Settling

"What I think is interesting is that there were no articles from happily married women. I think most of them would say that they did not settle. All of the articles you read were from women who have not found the right man for themselves yet, so if they were to get married it would feel like, or in fact be, settling. I think when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you are honest with yourself about what that actually means, there is no way you can feel like you are settling. You're just excited, hopeful, and have trust and faith that the other person feels the same way."

Weddings: Under-Utilized "Meet Market"?

Name: Weddings

What it is: Where a couple pledges to love each other to death, and throws a big party to celebrate

Cost: However much you want to spend on a wedding gift

The scoop: Although weddings are allegedly a great place to meet people, the only person I know who it ever worked out for long-term is my sister, who met her husband at a friend’s wedding. Neither of them had come with a date. (In fact, my brother-in-law happened to be seated next to a visibly pregnant woman, and he had to make it clear to my sister that they were NOT together!) But usually, single people tend to feel weird about not bringing a guest, especially if they don’t know anyone except the bride and groom, which probably hinders meeting someone new.

My dates: I have been to at least 17 weddings over the course of my life (I just counted). But the closest I ever came to meeting anyone was, coincidentally, at my sister’s wedding. I wasn’t seeing anyone exclusively, so I hadn’t come with a date, and neither had Guy from Four Years Ago. I had met him for the first time four years earlier (hence his nickname) through my sister, and we had gone on two dates back then. He was a nice enough guy, but all he was interested in was career and business and making money. Who wants to date a guy who makes a lot of money?? (Ha ha.) I tried to like him, I really did, but aside from the fact that we both breathed oxygen, we had absolutely nothing in common. By our second date, I had to make up stories in my head to entertain myself. After dinner we ducked into a bookstore, and when he headed straight for the business section and I made a beeline for fiction, I knew it would never work out.

Four years later, Guy from Four Years Ago and I got to talking at my sister’s wedding. He hadn’t changed a bit, except that now he was in law school, further solidifying his fast-track career credentials. We still didn’t have anything to talk about, so we started kissing instead. That was fun. But when we tried talking again, he mentioned that he was going to vote to re-elect President Bush later that year, and my renewed interest in him quickly evaporated. Too bad he didn’t just keep quiet – he might have at least gotten one more date out of me!