Over the weekend the New York Times ran an article called “Matchmaker, You Have Until Thursday” (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/fashion/weddings/10speed.html?ref=style) about the pressure that many singles feel to find a boyfriend or girlfriend by Valentine’s Day – or at least a date. Speed-dating registrations apparently increase by 15 to 20% during January and February, and Match.com had a 40% increase in new members. It’s a little late to be finding this out, but good to keep in mind for next year.
The reporter also sat in on a HurryDate (http://www.hurrydate.com) event, where each person had TWENTY four-minute dates. TWENTY! The most I’ve ever had at any speed-dating event was fourteen! Maybe I should try HurryDate again. I’d tried them last summer but didn’t have very good luck – neither of my mutual matches ever e-mailed me. I don’t understand that. Why choose me if you don’t even want to put in the effort of e-mailing me back, much less seeing me again? At the time I suspected it was an age thing – they were both a few years younger, and since you have to fill out a profile on HurryDate, I figured they saw my age and weren’t interested anymore. But since then I’ve had a couple of mutual matches from other events not write me back, either, even though they didn’t know my age. People are just strange, I guess.
February 11, 2008
February 7, 2008
Speed-Date Discount for Feb. 10
Women aged 23 - 32: speed-date with New York Easy Dates in Manhattan this Sunday 2/10 at 7:30 PM for only $25 (regularly $37). Just go to http://www.nyeasydates.com and type “marathon1” (without the quotes) in the discount code box when you sign up. They apparently have a plethora of men on the waiting list (!).
Also, Time Out New York has an article on their web site called “How To Gain a Guy or Gal in 10 Days.” It just tells you interesting things to do or places to go in the city during the next week, though, not actually how to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think the Valentine’s Day screening of “Harold and Maude” is my favorite. Click on http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/features/26202/how-to-gain-a-guy-or-gal-in-10-days
to read.
Also, Time Out New York has an article on their web site called “How To Gain a Guy or Gal in 10 Days.” It just tells you interesting things to do or places to go in the city during the next week, though, not actually how to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think the Valentine’s Day screening of “Harold and Maude” is my favorite. Click on http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/features/26202/how-to-gain-a-guy-or-gal-in-10-days
to read.
The subway - like a singles cruise, only much, much cheaper
Name: The subway
What it is: The underground railroad connecting the boroughs of New York City
Cost: $2 per ride
Random fact: About 40% of New York’s subway system actually runs above ground.
The scoop: On Craig’s List (http://www.craigslist.org) a few years back, I remember several posts trying to declare a certain subway car as the “singles car.” If you were single and interested in meeting someone, no matter what line of the subway it was, you were supposed to get into that car, and presumably make eye contact, start talking, and let things unfold as they may. Unfortunately, I can’t for the life of me remember whether it was the first car or the last car. Anyone recall?
In any event, I don’t think it ever really took off, maybe partly because distractions like iPods and cell phones (which do work on the above-ground subway cars) have only proliferated since then. It’s too bad, though. When you think about it, the subway really is one of the more risk-free ways to meet someone. Consider: it only costs $2, there’s always a stop to get off at if things go downhill, and if it doesn’t work out, at least you went somewhere in the process, even if only from one point in Brooklyn to another. Over the past several years, I have read not one but THREE stories in the New York Times about couples who ended up getting married after meeting on the subway. It can work! (Though not, in my experience, during rush hour.)
My dates: Over the past six years, I’ve met four guys on the subway. The first must have been back in 2001 or 2002, when I had infinitely less dating experience than I do now. I’ll call him the Free Spirit, because it was his feet I noticed first – he was barefoot. I mean, he had sandals, but his feet were out and sort of resting on top of them. I’m not going to lie to you – the man had beautiful feet. When I finally tore my eyes away and looked up, I noticed his head was cute, too, with light brown skin and beautifully curly hair. But he wasn’t making eye contact, so I went back to the newspaper I was reading.
When I was a few stops from home, though, the Free Spirit suddenly said something to me, and we started chatting. We were both nervous – maybe he’d never tried to meet someone on the subway before, either? -- so the conversation was awkward. I can’t remember a thing we talked about, actually, but between his cuteness and his beautiful feet, I was happy just to gaze at him.
We got off at the same stop, 74th Street/Roosevelt Ave in Jackson Heights. I was changing trains to go home, and the Free Spirit was walking home from there. We said good-night reluctantly, and as he walked up the stairs, he turned around and smiled at me. I smiled back. Alas, I never saw him again.
I met the second guy a year or so later, so I was more prepared this time. I’ll call him Cushy Job, because he had one and I was jealous. When we met I was actually on my way home from a date with a guy I’d met at a club, who had turned out to be pretty annoying. But I looked better than usual because I’d taken some time to dress up. I was reading a book, and Cushy Job struck up a conversation with me about it. I was so excited about talking to a guy who seemed to be a reader, he may have thought I was more interested than he actually was. Still, he was cute, with a great accent (he had grown up in Haiti), and he had the aforementioned cushy job pushing papers at the New York City Board of Education. I told him I was an unemployed former teacher looking for a job related to education but not teaching, and when he asked me out for breakfast, I accepted.
Unfortunately, the breakfast only confirmed how little we had in common. I’m not a morning person under the best of circumstances, and during my unemployed year – well, let’s just say that my being conscious before 10:30 AM was becoming an increasing rarity, so I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to meet this guy for breakfast at 9 AM on Saturday. He had been up since 6 AM, doing tai chi or some other sinfully healthy exercise in Central Park, and as he went on and on about it I could barely keep my eyes open. I did give him my résumé (maybe not the smartest thing to give a random stranger from the subway, seeing as it had all my personal information, including my address – what was I thinking!?). He said he’d help me get a Board of Ed job. But of course we parted and I never heard from him again. Oh well. At least he didn’t stalk me.
I actually became friends with the third guy I met on the subway, so we’ll call him Guy Who Is Now a Friend (GWINAF). A friend and I were going home after a night of dancing at Webster Hall, and she noticed GWINAF sitting on a bench on the subway platform, writing in a journal. She struck up a conversation with him about what he was writing, and we all got on the train together. We were chatting away when he moved his hand and I noticed he had the ink mark you get at Webster Hall. “Wait – you were at Webster Hall, too?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Is that where you two were?”
“Yeah. But what did you do with your journal while you were dancing?” I asked.
“Oh, I just left it behind a speaker,” he said.
I was astonished. I keep a journal and would never dream of leaving it in a public place like that. (But I’ll give a perfect stranger my résumé with my address on it. Ha!)
It turned out GWINAF lived in Queens, too, so as we were nearing home, he asked if we wanted to keep talking some more. The three of us ended up going to the Georgia Diner in Elmhurst, eating and talking until 6 AM, about numbers, and New York City, and his dreams of acting and singing. It was a fun, random night.
I met the fourth guy, who I’ll call Too Old For Me, as I waited for a subway in Brooklyn a little over a year ago. Too Old For Me had to have been 60 years old – he had gray hair, and children who were grown – and he told me all about how he’d moved here from Russia ten years earlier. “I am a painter, an artist,” Too Old For Me said. “I would love to be painting you.” He told me how beautiful I was, how it made no sense that I was single, all these great lines – too bad he was old enough to be my father!! Before I got off the train he asked for my phone number. I didn’t have the heart to reject him right then and there, so I said, “Why don’t you give me yours?” He wrote it down for me, but I never called him.
So, looking back, I guess I’ve only gotten one actual “date” from the subway. Maybe I should keep my eyes open on the ride home tonight....
What it is: The underground railroad connecting the boroughs of New York City
Cost: $2 per ride
Random fact: About 40% of New York’s subway system actually runs above ground.
The scoop: On Craig’s List (http://www.craigslist.org) a few years back, I remember several posts trying to declare a certain subway car as the “singles car.” If you were single and interested in meeting someone, no matter what line of the subway it was, you were supposed to get into that car, and presumably make eye contact, start talking, and let things unfold as they may. Unfortunately, I can’t for the life of me remember whether it was the first car or the last car. Anyone recall?
In any event, I don’t think it ever really took off, maybe partly because distractions like iPods and cell phones (which do work on the above-ground subway cars) have only proliferated since then. It’s too bad, though. When you think about it, the subway really is one of the more risk-free ways to meet someone. Consider: it only costs $2, there’s always a stop to get off at if things go downhill, and if it doesn’t work out, at least you went somewhere in the process, even if only from one point in Brooklyn to another. Over the past several years, I have read not one but THREE stories in the New York Times about couples who ended up getting married after meeting on the subway. It can work! (Though not, in my experience, during rush hour.)
My dates: Over the past six years, I’ve met four guys on the subway. The first must have been back in 2001 or 2002, when I had infinitely less dating experience than I do now. I’ll call him the Free Spirit, because it was his feet I noticed first – he was barefoot. I mean, he had sandals, but his feet were out and sort of resting on top of them. I’m not going to lie to you – the man had beautiful feet. When I finally tore my eyes away and looked up, I noticed his head was cute, too, with light brown skin and beautifully curly hair. But he wasn’t making eye contact, so I went back to the newspaper I was reading.
When I was a few stops from home, though, the Free Spirit suddenly said something to me, and we started chatting. We were both nervous – maybe he’d never tried to meet someone on the subway before, either? -- so the conversation was awkward. I can’t remember a thing we talked about, actually, but between his cuteness and his beautiful feet, I was happy just to gaze at him.
We got off at the same stop, 74th Street/Roosevelt Ave in Jackson Heights. I was changing trains to go home, and the Free Spirit was walking home from there. We said good-night reluctantly, and as he walked up the stairs, he turned around and smiled at me. I smiled back. Alas, I never saw him again.
I met the second guy a year or so later, so I was more prepared this time. I’ll call him Cushy Job, because he had one and I was jealous. When we met I was actually on my way home from a date with a guy I’d met at a club, who had turned out to be pretty annoying. But I looked better than usual because I’d taken some time to dress up. I was reading a book, and Cushy Job struck up a conversation with me about it. I was so excited about talking to a guy who seemed to be a reader, he may have thought I was more interested than he actually was. Still, he was cute, with a great accent (he had grown up in Haiti), and he had the aforementioned cushy job pushing papers at the New York City Board of Education. I told him I was an unemployed former teacher looking for a job related to education but not teaching, and when he asked me out for breakfast, I accepted.
Unfortunately, the breakfast only confirmed how little we had in common. I’m not a morning person under the best of circumstances, and during my unemployed year – well, let’s just say that my being conscious before 10:30 AM was becoming an increasing rarity, so I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to meet this guy for breakfast at 9 AM on Saturday. He had been up since 6 AM, doing tai chi or some other sinfully healthy exercise in Central Park, and as he went on and on about it I could barely keep my eyes open. I did give him my résumé (maybe not the smartest thing to give a random stranger from the subway, seeing as it had all my personal information, including my address – what was I thinking!?). He said he’d help me get a Board of Ed job. But of course we parted and I never heard from him again. Oh well. At least he didn’t stalk me.
I actually became friends with the third guy I met on the subway, so we’ll call him Guy Who Is Now a Friend (GWINAF). A friend and I were going home after a night of dancing at Webster Hall, and she noticed GWINAF sitting on a bench on the subway platform, writing in a journal. She struck up a conversation with him about what he was writing, and we all got on the train together. We were chatting away when he moved his hand and I noticed he had the ink mark you get at Webster Hall. “Wait – you were at Webster Hall, too?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Is that where you two were?”
“Yeah. But what did you do with your journal while you were dancing?” I asked.
“Oh, I just left it behind a speaker,” he said.
I was astonished. I keep a journal and would never dream of leaving it in a public place like that. (But I’ll give a perfect stranger my résumé with my address on it. Ha!)
It turned out GWINAF lived in Queens, too, so as we were nearing home, he asked if we wanted to keep talking some more. The three of us ended up going to the Georgia Diner in Elmhurst, eating and talking until 6 AM, about numbers, and New York City, and his dreams of acting and singing. It was a fun, random night.
I met the fourth guy, who I’ll call Too Old For Me, as I waited for a subway in Brooklyn a little over a year ago. Too Old For Me had to have been 60 years old – he had gray hair, and children who were grown – and he told me all about how he’d moved here from Russia ten years earlier. “I am a painter, an artist,” Too Old For Me said. “I would love to be painting you.” He told me how beautiful I was, how it made no sense that I was single, all these great lines – too bad he was old enough to be my father!! Before I got off the train he asked for my phone number. I didn’t have the heart to reject him right then and there, so I said, “Why don’t you give me yours?” He wrote it down for me, but I never called him.
So, looking back, I guess I’ve only gotten one actual “date” from the subway. Maybe I should keep my eyes open on the ride home tonight....
February 5, 2008
CatholicMatch discount code, and eHarmony Republicans
If any single Catholics out there want to try the on-line dating site CatholicMatch (http://www.CatholicMatch.com), use the discount code VAL8 to purchase a six-month subscription for only $9.95 a month -- your credit card will be billed for one total payment of $59.70. This is apparently a 60% savings. The code expires Feb. 14th (Valentine’s Day) at midnight. I haven’t tried CatholicMatch, but if you do let me know how it goes.
In other news…in my ongoing quest to get caught up on my eHarmony account, I logged in today to find a FastTrack request from a 36-year-old business systems analyst (whatever that is) in New Jersey – he had already written me an e-mail. Curious, I accepted his request, and this is the message I found:
“Well, it would appear I fail your requirement as I am a republican. I will with some pleasure pull the lever for McCain tomorrow, but would have rather pulled it for Giuliani. (Boy I hope I spelled that right ;-). Giuliani I think would have done a lot of good for the US, and McCain would do a decent job. So I am sure we would get along like oil and water. In the mean time, keep on keeping on! P.S. I do appreciate non-morning people, being a night owl myself.”
Now, what was his point in writing to me? I resisted putting “no Republicans, please” in my profile for a long time because I don’t discriminate against potential dates in terms of race, ethnicity, how much money they make, etc., and I want to be open-minded. But a romantic relationship has never, ever, ever worked out with a Republican – we just don’t see eye-to-eye on too many fundamental issues.
Of course, it hasn’t worked out yet with a Democrat, either. At least not for the long-term.
Anyway, why did this guy waste his time e-mailing me if he thinks we’d get along “like oil and water”? I assume he was just trying to be funny. But I wasn’t laughing because first of all, he didn’t even know enough to capitalize “Republican,” and second of all, he admitted he actually would have voted for Giuliani, of all people -- the mayor who PURPOSELY made it a hundred times more difficult for hungry people in New York City to apply for food stamps! Sorry, being a night owl too is not nearly enough to cancel out your Republicanness.
Needless to say, I am not writing him back. I am, however, voting tonight! Probably for Obama. By the way, guess who can’t be too happy these days? All the registered voters of South Dakota and Montana, as well as Republicans in New Mexico – they have the last primaries in the country, on June 3rd. Talk about feeling irrelevant. I mean, even GUAM’s primary is earlier (May 3rd)!
In other news…in my ongoing quest to get caught up on my eHarmony account, I logged in today to find a FastTrack request from a 36-year-old business systems analyst (whatever that is) in New Jersey – he had already written me an e-mail. Curious, I accepted his request, and this is the message I found:
“Well, it would appear I fail your requirement as I am a republican. I will with some pleasure pull the lever for McCain tomorrow, but would have rather pulled it for Giuliani. (Boy I hope I spelled that right ;-). Giuliani I think would have done a lot of good for the US, and McCain would do a decent job. So I am sure we would get along like oil and water. In the mean time, keep on keeping on! P.S. I do appreciate non-morning people, being a night owl myself.”
Now, what was his point in writing to me? I resisted putting “no Republicans, please” in my profile for a long time because I don’t discriminate against potential dates in terms of race, ethnicity, how much money they make, etc., and I want to be open-minded. But a romantic relationship has never, ever, ever worked out with a Republican – we just don’t see eye-to-eye on too many fundamental issues.
Of course, it hasn’t worked out yet with a Democrat, either. At least not for the long-term.
Anyway, why did this guy waste his time e-mailing me if he thinks we’d get along “like oil and water”? I assume he was just trying to be funny. But I wasn’t laughing because first of all, he didn’t even know enough to capitalize “Republican,” and second of all, he admitted he actually would have voted for Giuliani, of all people -- the mayor who PURPOSELY made it a hundred times more difficult for hungry people in New York City to apply for food stamps! Sorry, being a night owl too is not nearly enough to cancel out your Republicanness.
Needless to say, I am not writing him back. I am, however, voting tonight! Probably for Obama. By the way, guess who can’t be too happy these days? All the registered voters of South Dakota and Montana, as well as Republicans in New Mexico – they have the last primaries in the country, on June 3rd. Talk about feeling irrelevant. I mean, even GUAM’s primary is earlier (May 3rd)!
February 4, 2008
Funnies from eHarmony
For a while I’d gotten behind on the half-dozen or so matches a day that eHarmony has been e-mailing me, but I finally went through them all. Some guys put the weirdest, funniest information in their profiles. Under “some other additional information he wants you to know,” one guy wrote, “I have three days unconsummated marriage which ended up in divorce.” A little Too Much Information there. Another guy put that he is actually very sensitive in spite of his “obvious aggressive” traits. Next! Under “one thing only his best friends know is,” one guy wrote: “My lack of experience with the opposite sex.” Well, now all your potential matches know it, too! Somebody else listed “Hygene [sic] products such as deorderant [sic] and toothpaste” under the things he can’t live without -- I guess that was supposed to be reassuring.
The misspellings really kill me: one talks about a childhood friend who lived “next store” to him; another admitted to his “quiteness” (quietness). One guy, for whom English is obviously a second language, said he “likes to camp and makes histories under the night.” I’m not sure what that means, but I thought it was pretty poetic.
And finally, under the things he is most thankful for, someone named Pablo listed the following:
▪ Sex
▪ Sex
▪ Sex
I suppose he thought he’d get points for honesty??
The misspellings really kill me: one talks about a childhood friend who lived “next store” to him; another admitted to his “quiteness” (quietness). One guy, for whom English is obviously a second language, said he “likes to camp and makes histories under the night.” I’m not sure what that means, but I thought it was pretty poetic.
And finally, under the things he is most thankful for, someone named Pablo listed the following:
▪ Sex
▪ Sex
▪ Sex
I suppose he thought he’d get points for honesty??
February 1, 2008
Free singles event in April!
On Sunday April 13th from 6:30 – 9 PM, there’s a “Deeper Dating” event at the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan (registration code T-LS5DB07-05) for people in their 30s and 40s. It costs $30 in advance/$35 at the door, BUT if you send an e-mail to DeeperDatingInfo@gmail.com with “volunteer” in the subject line and say you’re willing to assist, you can participate for free! Click on http://www.DeeperDating.com for more info. Apparently, Time Out New York calls it “a combination personal-growth workshop and singles’ mixer.” Sounds fun, or torturous -- it really could go either way. But if you get in for free, what do you have to lose, right?
Happy weekend, everybody! Go Giants. Or Patriots. Whoever you're rooting for. :)
Happy weekend, everybody! Go Giants. Or Patriots. Whoever you're rooting for. :)
Date from hell!
To ensure you’ll laugh at least once this weekend, I will now post about what was, without question, my Worst Date Ever. It was so, so BAD, I hope words can do it justice. The most appropriate nickname for this guy is Mr. Negative, who I met through one of the speed-dating web sites. We decided to get together for dinner at a diner in Manhattan. My initial first-few-seconds impression, when we met in front of the restaurant, was, "Great, he's cute, seems low-key in a good way."
Then we sat down, and he made the mistake of opening his mouth. He was the most thoroughly pessimistic guy I've ever been out with in my entire life! He’d mentioned in an e-mail to me that he had just been on vacation in Vegas, so I asked him about it. He proceeded to tell me about how he loves Jennifer Aniston -- I mean, he seriously LOVES her -- so while in Vegas he forced his friends to drive with him to Los Angeles for the weekend and go to this restaurant that he'd read on http://www.msn.com that Jennifer goes to all the time. He even asked a waiter when he got there, "Does Jennifer Aniston come here a lot?" to make sure he had the right place. When she never showed up, he was devastated. It ruined his entire weekend. His friends went on a city tour the next day, but he was "so depressed" that he hadn't seen Jennifer, he just stayed in his hotel room (sulking, I guess), then finally went shopping. He made his friends go back to the same restaurant the NEXT night -- he treated so that they all would go there again, even though it was a pretty expensive restaurant. Still no Jennifer. When he got home to New York, he read that she and Courtney Cox had been on vacation in Hawaii that weekend, and he was furious!
I was busy wondering why Mr. Negative had even wanted to go out with me, seeing as I look nothing like Jennifer Aniston, when he proceeded to tell me he is also intensely in love with Gwen Stefani -- so much so that he went to three of her concerts in three different states in the same week (!). He even held up a sign he'd made that read GWEN, I LOVE YOU, CALL ME, with his phone number on it.
"Um, isn't she seeing someone?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, she's married with a kid," he said matter-of-factly, as if that shouldn't make any difference at all. "But what really gets me is, not only did Gwen not call me, no other woman in the audience did either!"
I was dumbfounded. What woman in her right mind would call some random guy who held up a crazy sign at a concert?
Next Mr. Negative said, "Don't even ask me about my vacation in January!" Foolishly, I took the bait and asked, so he went on and on about the singles cruise he took to South America. They lost his luggage, only gave him $100 to buy new clothes, and worst of all, the people on the cruise turned out to consist of two guys in their 20s, Mr. Negative (who is 32), and all these fifty and sixty-year-olds! HA! The web site had apparently advertised it as a singles cruise for "younger" singles and showed all these photos of hot twenty- and thirty-somethings in bathing suits, so he was outraged. He told me about how he actually SUED them when he got home, but the lawsuit got thrown out because the company had never guaranteed what age anyone would be.
And so it went from there. I asked him about his job. His boss is terrible, he hates her, she hates him, he's been trying to find a new job but can't find anything in his salary range. I asked him about where he lives. Well, it's SO overpriced, it's dead there, he hates it, but it's close to work. I asked him if he has any siblings. He has a sister, he said, but she's so arrogant that they don't get along.
But the best part was when I asked Mr. Negative about how his speed-dating experience had been so far. "Horrible!" he said (surprise, surprise). He said that at the first speed-dating event he’d tried, there were only four women and 11 men, and none of the women chose him. The company gave him a coupon to go to another event for free. At that one, he said he chose nine women -- and NONE of them picked him! Gee, I wonder why??
"Women are just too picky," he said authoritatively. "They want someone who's six feet tall and who makes six figures a year, and they won't even look at anyone else."
It was so hard for me not to laugh! I wanted so badly to say, Um, no, we just want someone who has a positive word to say once in a while! And it was so awkward because he only asked me three questions about myself all night. When I wasn't asking him about his depressing life, we would literally just sit there. (At one point he said, "You look tired." Yeah, of you!)
After the check came and he paid (thank goodness for small favors), I stole a glance at my watch and could not believe only an hour had passed -- it felt like three! Then he walked me to the subway. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a train station in my life. As soon as I spotted it, I said, "Well, this is me, thank you for dinner."
And HE said, "I'd really like to see you again! You're fun!"
I thought, Of course you think I'm fun -- a lump of WAX is a barrel of laughs compared to you! I mumbled something vague and escaped.
He e-mailed me the following week asking if I’d like to get together again. I thought, should I tell him (gently) why I’d had such a bad time? I mean, the poor guy probably doesn’t even realize how he comes across. I finally e-mailed him back saying that I appreciated his interested but am looking for someone more upbeat.
He wrote back:
“Funny, you were laughing the entire time and seemed to be enjoying yourself. Good luck in finding Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”
So much for constructive criticism!
Then we sat down, and he made the mistake of opening his mouth. He was the most thoroughly pessimistic guy I've ever been out with in my entire life! He’d mentioned in an e-mail to me that he had just been on vacation in Vegas, so I asked him about it. He proceeded to tell me about how he loves Jennifer Aniston -- I mean, he seriously LOVES her -- so while in Vegas he forced his friends to drive with him to Los Angeles for the weekend and go to this restaurant that he'd read on http://www.msn.com that Jennifer goes to all the time. He even asked a waiter when he got there, "Does Jennifer Aniston come here a lot?" to make sure he had the right place. When she never showed up, he was devastated. It ruined his entire weekend. His friends went on a city tour the next day, but he was "so depressed" that he hadn't seen Jennifer, he just stayed in his hotel room (sulking, I guess), then finally went shopping. He made his friends go back to the same restaurant the NEXT night -- he treated so that they all would go there again, even though it was a pretty expensive restaurant. Still no Jennifer. When he got home to New York, he read that she and Courtney Cox had been on vacation in Hawaii that weekend, and he was furious!
I was busy wondering why Mr. Negative had even wanted to go out with me, seeing as I look nothing like Jennifer Aniston, when he proceeded to tell me he is also intensely in love with Gwen Stefani -- so much so that he went to three of her concerts in three different states in the same week (!). He even held up a sign he'd made that read GWEN, I LOVE YOU, CALL ME, with his phone number on it.
"Um, isn't she seeing someone?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, she's married with a kid," he said matter-of-factly, as if that shouldn't make any difference at all. "But what really gets me is, not only did Gwen not call me, no other woman in the audience did either!"
I was dumbfounded. What woman in her right mind would call some random guy who held up a crazy sign at a concert?
Next Mr. Negative said, "Don't even ask me about my vacation in January!" Foolishly, I took the bait and asked, so he went on and on about the singles cruise he took to South America. They lost his luggage, only gave him $100 to buy new clothes, and worst of all, the people on the cruise turned out to consist of two guys in their 20s, Mr. Negative (who is 32), and all these fifty and sixty-year-olds! HA! The web site had apparently advertised it as a singles cruise for "younger" singles and showed all these photos of hot twenty- and thirty-somethings in bathing suits, so he was outraged. He told me about how he actually SUED them when he got home, but the lawsuit got thrown out because the company had never guaranteed what age anyone would be.
And so it went from there. I asked him about his job. His boss is terrible, he hates her, she hates him, he's been trying to find a new job but can't find anything in his salary range. I asked him about where he lives. Well, it's SO overpriced, it's dead there, he hates it, but it's close to work. I asked him if he has any siblings. He has a sister, he said, but she's so arrogant that they don't get along.
But the best part was when I asked Mr. Negative about how his speed-dating experience had been so far. "Horrible!" he said (surprise, surprise). He said that at the first speed-dating event he’d tried, there were only four women and 11 men, and none of the women chose him. The company gave him a coupon to go to another event for free. At that one, he said he chose nine women -- and NONE of them picked him! Gee, I wonder why??
"Women are just too picky," he said authoritatively. "They want someone who's six feet tall and who makes six figures a year, and they won't even look at anyone else."
It was so hard for me not to laugh! I wanted so badly to say, Um, no, we just want someone who has a positive word to say once in a while! And it was so awkward because he only asked me three questions about myself all night. When I wasn't asking him about his depressing life, we would literally just sit there. (At one point he said, "You look tired." Yeah, of you!)
After the check came and he paid (thank goodness for small favors), I stole a glance at my watch and could not believe only an hour had passed -- it felt like three! Then he walked me to the subway. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a train station in my life. As soon as I spotted it, I said, "Well, this is me, thank you for dinner."
And HE said, "I'd really like to see you again! You're fun!"
I thought, Of course you think I'm fun -- a lump of WAX is a barrel of laughs compared to you! I mumbled something vague and escaped.
He e-mailed me the following week asking if I’d like to get together again. I thought, should I tell him (gently) why I’d had such a bad time? I mean, the poor guy probably doesn’t even realize how he comes across. I finally e-mailed him back saying that I appreciated his interested but am looking for someone more upbeat.
He wrote back:
“Funny, you were laughing the entire time and seemed to be enjoying yourself. Good luck in finding Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”
So much for constructive criticism!
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