The best way to date (weirdly, it involves math)

Apparently the best way to date involves math. Go figure!

That's according to this Psychology Today article, "Why Dating is Difficult in New York (or London)," by Satoshi Kanazawa: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200910/why-dating-is-difficult-in-new-york-or-london

Turns out we should reject the first 37% of the potential mates we meet (no matter how good or bad they are), then pick the first candidate who is better than any of the other earlier candidates. Dating in New York City, or in any highly populated city, is harder and more time-consuming than dating in a small town because there are more potential mates to choose from. According to the paper by Gilbert and Mosteller that Kanazawa quotes in his article, if you live in Ames, Iowa, and only have 10 potential mates to choose from, you should reject the first four, then start dating the next potential mate who is better than any of the pevious four. But if you live in New York City and have 1,000 potential mates to choose from, you should reject the first 369 potential mates you meet, then start dating the next one who is better than the earlier 369. If you follow this strategy, there is a 37% chance you will choose the right mate -- which may not sound all that high, but as Kanazawa writes, "there are no other strategies that you can consistently follow which will produce a higher average probability of choosing the best of all candidates."

Geez. No wonder dating in New York was always so exhausting!

This study is from 1966, though. Makes you wonder how Gilbert & Mosteller would even define the number of potential mates we can come across today on the Internet. What's 37% of infinity??

Weird

Remember I.T. Guy from eHarmony (http://www.eharmony.com), also known as "Eye Infection Guy" because he cancelled what should have been our first date in October due to an alleged eye infection? He dropped out of contact for two weeks, then resurfaced, and we rescheduled for the Monday three days before Thanksgiving. He ended up cancelling again because he was still packing for his trip to visit his family in Florida for the holiday. In December we re-scheduled yet again, but this time I had to cancel because I was sick. Then we rescheduled for Sunday Dec. 21st -- or so I thought. Here is our exchange of e-mails:

On Fri, 12/19/08, The Dating Guru wrote:
Hi I.T. Guy!
How are you? On Sunday I may go to a Christmas concert from 3 - 4:30 PM or so, but otherwise I'm free. And on Monday I finish work at 7:30 PM, so I'm free after that.
Let me know what works best for you.
The Dating Guru

On Sat, 12/20/08, I.T. Guy wrote:
Dating Guru,
I am around later tonight (Saturday) and tomorrow , so if you are going to be in the city tomorrow early afternoon, we could meet then. Either way...whats your tel # ?

On Sat, Dec 20, 2008, The Dating Guru wrote:
Hi I.T. Guy,
Sounds good! My phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX [NOTE: He actually already had my number, since we'd talked on the phone back in October, but whatever]. The concert I want to go to starts at 3:00 PM, so maybe we could meet at 2:00 or so? There's a Starbucks right nearby, so we could always meet there. But give me a call tomorrow and we can discuss.
Thanks!
The Dating Guru

And what happened? Not only did he NOT call me, he never even e-mailed me back! Just silence on his part. Christmas came and went, with no word from him.

Until New Year's Day, when I received this:

On Thu, 1/1/09, at 2:31 PM, I.T. Guy wrote:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I was like...huh? He didn't even apologize for not contacting me about 12/21 or anything. Weird!!

Obviously I didn't write him back -- I have a much more thoughtful guy in my life now, thank God!

The Winner's Guide to Dating (What I Learned about Love and Sex from Playing Texas Hold 'em)

Last weekend, a couple of friends came into NYC to visit. The weather was beautiful, so we were strolling down Prince Street when we came upon a really nice guy named Randall Klitz, who was selling a neat little book he wrote (and his girlfriend, Muriel Alvarez, illustrated) called "The Winner's Guide to Dating (What I Learned about Love and Sex from Playing Texas Hold 'em)." It contains such good advice as "be wary of the on-line 'bluff,'" "never go 'all-in' on the first round," and "observe new players before engaging them." I chatted with him about dating in New York, and my friends generously bought a copy of his book for me. When he found out I have a dating blog, he actually whipped out a tiny video camera and began videotaping an interview with me on the spot! I just checked his blog, http://peopleimeetonprincestreet.wordpress.com/, and it hasn't appeared yet, but it may some day. And if it doesn't, that's actually better -- a Dating Guru should, ideally, remain anonymous.