Analysis of a Doomed Marriage

I just read a devastating article on a great web site called Tango: Smart Talk About Love (http://www.tangomag.com) titled “Marrying Mr. Wrong,” by Isabel Rose (http://www.tangomag.com/2006184/marrying-mr-wrong.html). It starts with this paragraph:

“JULY 4, 2002: I’m sitting on our deck in the Hamptons an hour after everyone has left, realizing that my marriage needs to end. There have been too many red flags and it’s been too hard for too long. I’m drained. I’m sad. I’m lonely. My husband is just on the other side of the screen door, sleeping on the sofa we bought together at Ikea right after we bought the house. On his chest, our eleven-month-old daughter drools in her half-sleep.”

Then Ms. Rose goes back and analyzes, one by one, the various red flags that prove she never should have married her husband (now ex-husband) in the first place, starting with when they met in April 1995. The one that really got me was when she was having a drink with her ex-boyfriend, and when he asked if her current boyfriend was her soul mate, she said, “Definitely not…he doesn’t understand me at all.” This was in June 1997 – after they had been dating for TWO YEARS! And not only did she go ahead and marry him a year later, but then she had a kid with him! It’s sad, really. Oh, and his outright ignoring her when she spoke (red flag #3)? Inexcusable! (I’m also surprised his boss wasn’t punched in the mouth, or even better, socked with a lawsuit – see red flag #8.)

Ms. Rose certainly wanted to get married. It was like marriage itself was the be-all and end-all, and it almost didn’t matter with who. She had a fear of being alone, it seems. I went through a time in my life, in my early- to mid-twenties, when I felt the same way. It’s easy for me to read her red flags, shake my head and say, “What was she thinking!?” But I’ve certainly excused away warning signs in my relationships, though not to the point where I got anywhere close to engaged, let alone married. However, if a guy had actually shown any interest in me when I was 25, I could potentially have done exactly what she did, which was to cling to the relationship at all costs, even though it was all wrong for her. Not meeting anyone back then was a blessing in disguise, because I learned I could take care of myself and exist just fine on my own. It’s fun to have a boyfriend, and amazing when you feel a real connection with someone. But it’s not like I’m going to die of loneliness or anything without one.

I’ll bet Ms. Rose’s ex-husband has his own list of red flags about their relationship. That would be interesting to read.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I truly enjoy articles exactly like this, about people who are unhappily married or who are getting divorced. I mean, I REALLY enjoy it. It’s like relationship porn for me. Can’t get enough. Is that terrible? It’s not that I like the idea of people being in emotional pain. It just assures me that it’s much better to be single than married to someone you’re always angry at, or don’t particularly like, or who doesn’t like you much anymore, either.

Oooh, I just noticed that Ms. Rose’s article is excerpted from a book that came out last year called “The Honeymoon’s Over: True Stories of Love, Marriage and Divorce,” edited by Sally Wofford-Girand and Andrea Chapin. A whole BOOK of relationship-porn! Excuse me while I mosey over to Amazon.com....